Balls

I find few things fascinating about my own species - guys . I noticed that we can really do anything just to prove to our other male counterparts that we have bigger balls than the rest . Well, it can be about some stupid things like who drives the fastest on the road is The Man or sumthing ...

Whoever can drive a Manual car is more manly than the rest ??

Whoever can drink a large bottle of soft drink at one go is a man ??

Whoever knows how to counter every single diss and make everyone look 'small' is a man ??

Whoever drives back to their hometown is more manly than those who go back by flight or train or bus ?

and the list goes on ..

Why? hehe I mean they always come up with classic lines like "Wei, if you got balls I'd say you do this ..and that ..etc.. "

I mean generally we all have them , why does it matter ? hehe

I know after so long , the best thing I can blog about are about balls :P

Do we guys have to justify to the world that we actually have balls ? I dunno man, don't be stupid . Just don't get caught up in this whole ego contest man , you'll never win hehe ..

I have this colleague who digs motorcycles , he calls me a wimp for not having an interest in bikes and questions why I don't get myself a bike and follow him on weekly convoys around town like him .. coz you're a real man if you know about bikes ..

I was shocked ! GeeZ .. I didn't know that man . Maybe coz I don't need one ? Maybe I'd rather invest on something that my Dad approves of , that won't get me wet during rains or hurt on the road ? like , let's see .. a CAR?!!

Tsk tsk .. Can I be an individual for God's sake ? Do not follow that path if you're not feeling it . Jangan ikut je. All I know is that , my balls are intact and I don't need to prove to people that they actually exist by resorting to such childish acts and I think we should stop boasting who has the bigger balls . Coz at the end of the day , they're just male reproductive organs and.. well .. balls :P

A letter to God

Dear God ,

It's me again . Yes, your not-so-good creation . Got a few things I wanna say and clarify with You. What was going through You when you created me ? Do You have a certain life plan for me ? I'm curious because , after a stable start , I feel lost at the moment .

Am I destined for great things ? A lot of responsibilities and reliance seem to be placed upon me . I'm being pulled from all sides . To be honest , I don't even know who I am or what have I become right now . There are times I get heaps of praise , there are times I get hurt and hated . Even the most precious things I hold and trust dearly , are beginning to hate me . Again, I feel like I'm a superhero . I can try my best to save everyone but me . However , not many realised that . This is not a letter of sympathy , just Your Forgiveness and Understanding .

I have dreams God. I have visions and ideals of what and how I want my life to be in the future . I'd like to take this opportunity to thank You for fulfilling half of that til today . I have one of the most precious gift from You right now . Trying my best to take good care of it .

Like many other of your creations , I do have feelings and wants . Most importantly , I'm a person . When things turn bad or sour , I don't just simply press the panic button and reset everything back to square one . You look carefully and analyse what is the root cause of it turning bad or sour . You ask yourself whether was it necessary in the first place . It could just be a simple error . Is it worth it? hurting each other and people around you in process ? could you have done better or have you done your best to solve it ?

I need Your guidance . I'm only 23 , but I'm entrusted to take care of family members who are way older than me . I'm required to grow up faster than the rest .

If I could , I would use every ounce of what I have left to make everyone happy at the expense of mine . I don't care if I don't buy the latest gadgets , wear the latest clothes or go to exotic places . For me , the satisfaction comes when you see how happy they are when you make them happy . Those good times , the bad times . I'm still doing my best to please everyone . Though I might not get the acknowledgement or proof of my existense in their lives . To some , I feel like I'm dispensable , coz the people around them don't know I even existed in the first place . I'm just a secret .

Despite my efforts , theres still those who get hurt along the way . I need You to guide me and help me go through this .

Why am I working in the first place , if I ended up hurting everyone around me ?

Will it change things for the better if I was jobless and still rely on other people for money ?

my health is getting affected .

Will it change things if I was more available to everyone ?

will that make me a better son , bf or friend ?

will I be better for You ?

Despite trying hard to be the best for everyone , I still get questioned over my commitments , loyalties and intentions . I get branded as irresponsible instead . I have 4 most important people I'd die for : You , my family , my girlfriend and my friends . They are all that matters to me . I feel shitty when I don't entertain my nephew/niece that much nowadays , seeing them getting more distant from me , when I'm always back home , tired . I get hurt when my girlfriend is hurt and the worst feeling is that you're not always there to comfort her when she really needs it or maybe commit a mistake by forgetting some finer details she has told you in conversations . I grew up and spent half of my life with friends and when I always had to cancel meetings or a simple minum-minum at the mamak , I feel bad .

God, why am I here ? What am I here for ? Does the world really need someone like me ?

I wonder how things are if I didn't exist in the first place . Would it lessen the pain I've caused to everyone? would it make their lives easier ?

Could you make me a little bit more selfish ?

I'm tired . I'm lost . I'm weak . I'm hollow.

Watching the movie 'Click' really opened my eyes . It's never too late to tell that person sorry or fix your relationship with them .

Before I end this letter , there is one thing I'd do when the time comes for me . In my last breath , I would like to gather my 4 most important people in one place , put my hands up and say

"I'm sorry everyone , from the bottom of my heart , I wish I could have more time for you all , I hope I've been good enough ..."

and leave this world in peace , knowing at the back of my mind that I did the best way I can .

P/s- Thank You for entertaining this letter . I know You are busy other people with much bigger problems than mine . I just don't know who to turn to . I'm sorry .

Kota Bharu & Women's Dressing Issues

I read the papers recently about how women should dress in Kelantan . In the paper listed down the rules like :

For Muslims
-----------------
- dressing which covers down to ankles
- Head dress ( tudung ) must cover forehead and hair

For Non-Muslims
------------------------
- decent outfits which do not expose the navel , shows a lot of cleavage and emphasise the buttocks

They MUST NOT wear :

- body hugging outfits which show off the body
- blouses which show the navel
- see-through blouses
- mini-skirts
- tight pants

Reason ? To protect them from getting harrassed or raped by so-called highly sexual Kelantan males .

Look , I see this like as an insult and a slap on the face to the male population in Kelantan . Are they really so sensitive towards women that the minute they see their freaking ankles or legs theyre gonna pounce on them ?

In my opinion , the more you try to enforce such rules , the more rapists you'll produce . I think how women dress is not the main factor when someone commits a rape . I think it just goes down to the mental health of the rapist himself really . If he feels like raping , anything goes you know . Clothes are not the factor .

I think you're gonna make them more sensitive and easily aroused by doing that . We you make it scarce and hard to find , the more you crave for it . Like chocolates you know , today youre craving for that refrigerated Kinder Buenos or Dark Chocolate , but if you get it everyday , it becomes a norm and you couldn't give a damn anymore to even look at it . Make sense ?

Well , let's see if the number of rape cases improve in Kelantan once those rules are enforced .

The Six

[God] [Work] [Family] [Significant Other] [Companions] [Me]

Imagine those 6 are torches that only lits up temporarily when you touch them and shuts off after a while . But it's not easy to light up every single one at once , because they are located in different areas and time. You must lit up all 6 in order to live a complete and fulfilling life, failing to lit one of it will make your life miserable . How do you organise your time , essence , spirit , mind , body and soul to lit each torch without the risk of shutting down one of it ?

Please share . Help me .

Multiple Man

I have one more theory before I go to sleep, yeah I came back from a Night Shift. In regards to the debate about females not knowing what they want , I just wanna share my thoughts on women .

I think women don't need doctors , businessmen etc as their partners . They need an actor .

Why ?

Well we sometimes hear things like :

1) "I want a bad boy hottie that I can tame" when she's all hot and sorry to say , horny .

But when that bad boy leaves her and starts being a jerk , thay would say

2) "Where can I find a nice, decent guy who listens to me and respects me for who I am and not how I look?"

But when they actually found the nice guy , but when things get boring , they would say

3) "I wish theres someone out there who can take charge of me and take me away and put me in place whenever I'm wrong .."

Well , they go back to the bad boys la basically hehe :P .

Idiotically speaking , women need 2 guys or more . When one is wrong , the other one is right at that time . So as a solution hehe , go find a good actor that can be both . When you feel your woman is feeling cranky , you switch personas . Coz theres no such thing as one type of guy for most women .

I'm sensing comments coming along soon hehe . . .

But hey , just my point of view ... and I am far from being angry or anything . I suddenly have this urge to write things that suddenly pops on this little mind , that's all .

Ok , now I think I should shut up and go to bed now .

'MNG'

Also known as Mr. Nice Guy. Yes beware of MNG . We always think beware of the bad guys, but sometimes we neglect ones that work their magic under the radar to avoid detection. MNG can come in various forms. They can come in a form of a considerate friend, partner's best friend,childhood friend or simply a nice stranger you just knew.

You see, MNGs , prey on women who are at an emotionally vulnerable state. Their magic works best especially when their target is emotionally unstable, like maybe she just had a rough time at work ,Bf,family etc.. What they'll do is that, they will slowly get close to the target , to act like a comforter or emotional anchor/listener of some sort. They will start to listen, to her problems,consoling her,giving Dr. Phil-inspired advices and basically be her outlet to let out her frustrations .

MNGs would be one of the first ones generous enough to give praises and words of encouragement . They will try to be the first ones to wish her Happy Birthday , remembering the little things about her so that she'll say "Awww, that's so sweet of you..." . That's mission accomplished to them .

And finally, this is when their grand masterplan will come in full circle . They will start to suggest that the girl leaves her BF for instance . They'll be like "Hey , as a friend , I just want what's best for you, for your own good , leave him ". In a few weeks , months or even days after that happens , expect your girl to be with MNG :)

Single ones take note . Attached ones beware ;) . Keep your eyes open ...

Btw, this is just a theory of mine . I just had to get it out of my system , haven't been blogging that seriously lately .

I'm gonna stop apologizing if this post offends anyone coz at the end of the day they are just thoughts , so if we are open and mature enough to respect that then May Allah Bless You :)

MR PERFECT

Have you ever came across a guy who is full of himself ? I did and still friends with him at present . Well it's nothing serious, but don't you wish sometimes you could shrink that person's ego a little bit ?

I mean this guy thinks he has the answers for everything , knows everything in life and seems pretty convinced that he's all that . Well its good to have confidence in abundance , but too much of it could border along the lines of arrogance and cockiness . I'm not pissed at this person , but kinda annoyed coz he doesn't seem to change his style . He invents his personality in such a way that there is small room for his flaws to be evident on the surface , so that people don't talk him down . But he, on the other hand , likes to be in control ALL the time . He sizes everyone up so well that to him , everyone is just an itty-bitty atom while he is this HUGE mountain !

By doing that , he can talk people down , influence the weak-minded ones and control his peers . I see him do this a lot of time and he's pretty good at it . I'm just curious la , is it SO important to be like that ALL the time ? can't you respect people for what they do and who they are and just compromise once in a while ?

Why must it always be YOU having the upper hand ? the psychological advantage ? People like these just don't like losing . It's so important for them that people think of them highly all the time ?

I do not doubt the notion that men in general needs to have some ego in them , but sometimes it could hurt the people you hold dear to you .

My advice to that person is : Chill. Let go of things once in a while . Give in . Compromise . Most importantly , IT DOESN'T HURT AT ALL :)

I'm writing this because I have been his victim a few times and I think I should represent those who have also been treated the same way and tell this story . I do not wish to tell what he did or said to me here , coz its not important . I just hope he would 'tone' down one day . I mean, he's a nice guy and all . You know what they say , we all have our dark sides ..

If you feel offended by reading this , means you do have that ego in you . If you don't , then you might just be one of the victims :) ..

Payback time : 10 things You didn't know about PurpleRose
--------------------------------------------------------------

1. She has a fetish for anything with ribbons , flowery patterns , pink , purple

2. Has a knack for always regretting what she orders in a restaurant

3. Claims she is a real life version of Tinkerbell

4. Snores till the building cracks , sometimes gives an impression like there was a contruction work going on next door

5. Giggles like a little kid when excited , or sometimes has a tendency to bite , depending on the situation or stimulus (chocs,cakes,green tea frappucino etc..)

6. Believes in a strict diet of susu kelabu , keropok and broccoli ( is that even food in the first place ? tsk tsk )

7. Claims her belly is able to speak when full , aggravated symptoms include weird facial expressions , walking very slowly , and mumbles

8. Has a low immune system when it comes to shoes , easily seduced by shoes and has a chronic addiction to it

9. Hates Justin Timberlake with a passion , she's a Britney fan so go figure :P

10. Never likes pictures people take for her , only when she takes it herself its ok :)

hmm ... well maybe something extra

11. Would love to one day be a spokeperson or tour guide for Alor Setar ( Cuti cuti Alor Setar ) , coz everything just rocks over there :D

12. Cooks a lean mean , wicked pasta and has a talent for baking addictive , evil minions of cheesecakes and chocolate mousse cakes

There you go, more than 10 pulak. :P

Sleeping Beauty , err a little help here ?

Here I am, the time is 0503hrs , in an hour's time I should be getting ready for my morning shift . Slept at 2200+ last nite but woke up wide awake at around 0330am . Dunno why the hell I keep waking up at around 0300am . I know I need more sleep , yet no matter how hard I try to convince myself that , I just can't seem to fall asleep again after that .

Is this a sleeping disorder ? this happens all the time . Especially when you're moving from Night Shift to Morning Shift . I need help man . No matter how early I sleep , I'll still wake up at 0300am . Maybe I should consider some Melatonin pills . If anyone knows a more natural way of helping people like me to sleep , then please share it with me .

Hey Batman , you need a part-time sidekick at night around 0300am or something ? hehe .. seriously .. if this goes on long enough I might as well be your sidekick , Batman .

Sigh , one of the downsides of working on shifts .

My body feels tired , yet unable to sleep!! I'm restless .

8 hours of sleep my arse la , can't even get 4 proper hours man ... Sleeping beauty , need some tips hehe ..

Not even a Kenny G CD can make me sleep . Tried some reading , still to no avail . Maybe I should get those jiwang , romance movies to help me doze off quicker , well they seem to work for me sometimes :P

My head feels heavy .. eyes feels swollen .. kinda like a mild headache . Eyes feels very dry , yet I can only close it , but I just can't seem to fall asleep . Now I'm sweating a little bit .

Help ME sleep PLEASE !!

'Orang Kata'

Have you ever been in a conversation with someone , and when you're in the middle of comparing something , the other would intercept and say " Hmm..tapi orang kata bla bla ...." ?

I think most of you have , kan ?

For instance , I had a conversation with my bro who's planning on getting a car , I suggested him to get a Gen 2 , and he said "Tapi orang kata Gen 2 banyak problem .."

"Orang kata dia tu kaya ..."

"Orang kata that girl mistress Dato'"

etc.... and the list goes on ....

I wonder , who are these so called 'Orang Kata' or 'the others' :P ?

Why must our decisions sway towards what 'Orang Kata' ? are they so reliable and correct that we must always follow it ? Well I think we should stop worrying too much about what 'the others' have to say you know .

Even to the way we behave , wear , talk etc ... Why ? do what you think is right for you la , you know . . I think if we start to drill this new understanding onto our heads , there will be much much lesser self-conscious , insecure people out there . Be careful of this bad habit , it can destroy the things we like or hold dear to us if we trust it fully . We might end up making mistakes .

Think about it .

:)

Keeping up with the pace

I thought of blogging tonite . Not exactly in the best of moods but I felt inspired . I felt like giving my point of view on how so many things have changed from the early years of my life til now . Yes , Raya was an 'ok' occasion for me . Not that I have a large family to begin with , so things were pretty laid back and low-keyed . Spent the first and second day in Kota Bharu , Kelantan . Weird weather . Either it rains heavily or its hot as hell . At night it gets very windy , you'll doze off in no time .

What surprises me is the rate of how all my little cousins have grown up . Last time we would all gather and play . Back then we just couldn't wait to meet up at Nek's house . Nowadays , it seems so different . Everybody's finished secondary school . Thanx to the invention of handphones , we spent most of our time texting and glued to the handphone , eventhough we sat side by side . We don't interact like we used to . The guys with their typical 'nak-jadi-macho-wannabe' egos telling all these samseng related stories and all .. the girls living in their own world of 'my-boyfriend-is-my-life' syndrom , you know , those who put their status on Friendster as 'Married' :P ...tsk tsk

Nevertheless , I can't really say I was better than them , coz I know I see some traits of them in me when I was young (except for the Friendster part of coz , please la ) . I said to myself "Hmm, these kids have so much to learn .. still a long way to go .." . The elder ones haven't changed one bit . Still the same . Maybe coz in their era , we don't have that many things to occupy ourselves , thus explains why they stuck together and their closeness is very evident til now . Last time we don't have MP3 players , handphones , laptops , PS2 etc... I still remember back in the days when me and my family would hold a checkers league to see who was the best . Sister was always playing very defensively while Mom's cautious play sometimes bore us to death . Sister was always the best , only second-ed by Dad .

I also remember last time me and my Dad would play a game called 'Atlas' . We'd take the Atlas Map and mention a name of a place and the other person has to locate it under a certain time period . Whoever loses gets a tickle . Yep , those were the days .

Duit Raya 'rates' have signifcantly increased among little kids nowadays . Last time 50 cents would get us a bunch of sweets or a Ding Dang or Tora . Nowadays , give the kids RM2 and they'll give you a weird look .

I fear this change . I fear that respect and love will be lost gradually as we advance further in the future . Instead , it'll be replaced by financial pursuits and material gains . Everything will revolve around that . I personally wouldn't want such things to happen . I mean yes you need to be stable financially to live , but you also need to have family and a life to balance it off . What's the point of working like a dog when you're not happy ?

I think raising a kid now is much much tougher compared to back then . Kids mature faster nowadays . Its hard to drill those good values in them coz they tend to have a mind of their own at such a young age . I'm just trying to keep up with the pace life is throwing at me right now . I know theres still that little kid inside of me that would wish things be just like it was back then .

I know this might sound lame , but let the people you care about , your parents especially , that you appreciate them . You never know what you got til its gone . Love . Love them .

I think I've gotten soft nowadays rite ? tsk tsk ... trying trying ... still getting used to it .. I know I wasn't like this before hehe ...

Hope everyone had a good raya and those who missed raya don't be so down aight ...

Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri

Maaf Zahir Dan Batin

To Everyone :)

Master of My Reality

They always say life is like a journey . Where the journey leads is entirely up to our choices and desires . However in typical fashion we don't always end up where we want to be all the time , there are times when we just took the wrong path . But that's how the universe works .

How's my journey so far ? Let's just say that the path that I have chosen thus far , have been very satisfactory in terms of balance and stability . Never have I realised, until I really opened up my eyes out there , that such a path exists or could even be possible . In my reality , I guess I have been around good people and bad ones too . Some give you positive and inspiring vibes , while some , well , seemed to be trapped in their own negative bubble .

I am truly glad I chose the right path because through this path , I met and befriended individuals whom I think can only increase the excitement of this journey of mine . Most importantly , I've met someone whom in essence , share the same vision in life as mine and also my principles . Someone whom I think will help me open my eyes more throughout this journey . Back then my life was like a black and white painting . So plain , so dull , so mundane . This person is like a bag full of colours , finally theres more colour to my life than it ever was . Life is more colourful to me right now .

I was , you can say , a person with an iron mask . Whatever I feel , no one could really tell because I hide it well behind that mask I put on everyday back then . There were times back then when I would just want to break free , yet I didn't know how . But now , I'm free .

There will be unpleasant forces out there to pull you down with them , but you can always repel them . Like Dr. Lawrence Ng would suggest , "I am a mental warrior , I declare war on negative thoughts " ....

P/s : Excuse me with the gibberish up there , just felt very poetic after a karaoke session !

I know , I'm weird :P ..

What the funk Jay?

That's it man . I gotta write about this . After 5 seasons of America's Next Top Model , I can't take this s*it no more man . Something is terribly wrong here . I'm talking bout this brotha down here :



Yup Jay Alexander .. or affectionately known as MISS JAY ALEXANDER . What the funk is wrong here man ? People are blind or something ??

He's a guy man . Don't encourage him by telling him otherwise . No one seems to be complaining or speaking up about this . I see every episode they embrace him like he's the Professor of runway catwalks ! He's a GUY !! a BROTHA !

Look closer :



Is it denial ? I dunno . Appears in every episode with Rose-decorated Hats and freaking hot pants ... gila geli wei .. Which makes me wonder why are viewers would embrace someone like this guy rather someone who has other more significant contributions around the world .

I start cursing the show whenever he appears with his girly outfits . Seems like its a joke you know , if you wanna look and act like a woman , then completely change yourself ... janganlah halfway camni . I mean you got a strong black man's face , but from the neck below , you're dressed up like a woman . Especially when he's in those ugly hotpants .. arghh .. its like watching Mike Tyson or 50 Cent wearing it man ... Disgusting ..

Dahla .. before I risk losing my pahala and increasing my dosa , I better stop .

Peace Be Upon You .

Scamper

scam-per : To run or go quickly and lightly . A quick light run or movement .
Example : Children scampering off to play .

Thesaurus
-----------
Scamper : To move swiftly on foot so that both feet leave the ground during each stride .

Don't Sleep Too Much During The Day

First few years , things were going great . Until she started being distant . Never calls anymore , never tells me things . Never asks me out , stopped making me gifts . I felt something different , something was wrong . There were no signs of affection anymore , what I saw was a look of disgust and boredom . So I finally gather up the courage to finally ask - "What's wrong ?" . What I heard thereafter shocked me . She flat out replied with a slight grin on her face - "I've met someone else".. I started to feel a throbbing pain in my heart , my knees were too weak to hold me up .

I fell kneeling to the ground , helpless and hurt . What I felt afterwards were tears flowing down my eyes .. I can't seem to utter any words . She just stood there and grinned ..

And then I realised that it was a dream . But there were tears from my eyes . I actually cried in my sleep ! I looked up to my silver IKEA wall clock and it read 1:30pm if I'm not mistaken . I can still feel the pain . I called her up immediately telling her the whole ordeal , apologizing .

Well it didn't end there . I felt sleepy again and fell asleep . Never trust the snooze button , you'll end up sleeping more than awake!

Then , I dreamt it again .

This time things get more intense . I confronted the guy . Rugged , young and has a bad boy look to it . I can't really tell what race he was , but he was fair-skinned . I went up to him at a parking lot and asked for a man-to-man talk . Being the diplomatic person I am , I felt that was the best way to settle things . His rude behavior made me wonder what does she see in him . He told me intimate details ( showing me pictures of them together on his cellphone and video clips ) and how frustrated she was at me . Couldn't stand hearing it any longer , I just snapped ! . I punched his Adam's apple so hard he couldn't even talk or breath . He was choking . Then I saw a car coming by real fast . I grabbed his head and swung it into the car's path . The car knocked his head . Blood was all over the floor . Talk about being diplomatic ! I actually killed the guy . I took his handphone as evidence for me to confront her later on .

Next thing I know I was at a gathering . She was there . I assume we came together . After few socialising sessions , I went up to her . All I can remember was , I said "Thank You so much for this .." , I gave her a peck on those rosy cheeks and then I gave her his handphone . She didn't react , she was stunned . I walked away , holding it together not to cry again .

And afterwards I was in a different scene . She called and asked me why am I not taking her out today as promised , she acted as if nothing happened after the handphone incident . I said "After all this , you still can think of those things ? " . " You're having an affair with someone aren't you ?" , I asked . She said "(with a slight giggle) I can't tell you that , it's nothing , no one " .

After that I was at a counter with a telephone placed on it . Suddenly the old man at the bar told me "She's definitely seeing another guy , this guy goes by the nickname 'Scamper' . He works right next door " . Like as if he knows what I was looking for . So I went next door to look for this 'Scamper' dude . Who the hell would use 'Scamper' as a nickname anyways ? sounded so Mat Rempit . So there he was , dark-skinned , looks older , same height as me . I thinks he's Indian , almost like a mamak .

I went up to him and asked , "Are you Scamper?" . He said , "Yes Sir , what can I do for you ?" . Judging by the greet , I guess he's a customer service officer . "Can I talk to you in private ?" I asked . He said "Sure". Then this other guy tagged along . Buck-toothed , grinning all the way following us . "Do you mind ? we don't want to make a mess here do we ? I'll be careful of your buck tooth if I were you" I said , with a stern , threatening voice . Scamper gave a nod to his buck toothed friend and later he left us alone .

I went straight to the point and asked " How long have you guys known each other ? " , while showing him a picture of her hugging me that I always carry in my wallet . Those were during happier times . " (started counting with his fingers) I think about 2 , 3 years ..maybe 4 " he replied . Then I probed further and asked " So how are things between the two of you ? you both like each other ? " . He coyly replied "yeah , I guess" . Not believing what I just heard , I had to be sure .. so I asked him again "You mean she confessed that she likes you and you told her you like her ? " He said "yes" without hesitation .

I didn't know what to ask afterwards . I shook hands with him and walked away . I thought that just explains it all . I broke down . Crying again . This time more intensely . Over and over again .

Until I realised that it was dream again when a co-worker called me up from the office . That was when I realised the time was 3:30pm . That was actually a dream . My face , wet again from the tears . Woke up and told myself try not to sleep during the day in the fasting month . Ishh ! In fact I'm still feeling angry . I don't know whether am I angry at myself or something else .

To make things more coincidental , I turned on my PC and opened up my browser . To my astonishment , there were few topics on AskMen.com (my default page) that said :

"What does a woman consider cheating ?"

"Emotional or Sexual Cheating : Which is worse ?"

"Top 10 signs you're about to cheat"

I was like whoa! .. talk about coincidence man . Hehe . Scary right ?

But rest assured , I am generally happy and theres nothing wrong . Not as if I chose what to dream right ?

I hope I won't get those kind of dreams again . Being betrayed hurts . Ouch ! :)

Now I'll just get myself ready to buka puasa and carry on with my life .

Selamat Berpuasa !

Don't sleep too much daytime k hehe .

Peace be upon you .

Bozo

Does the world need another troublemaker like me ?
Do I always have to hurt people ?
Must the people I care about suffer because of me ?
Why am I here in the first place ?
Is there redemption ?
Will I ever be forgiven ?
Til when must I keep making mistakes ?
Who will I become ? Someone I hated the most ?
Am I right ? or wrong ?

Mirror , mirror

Mirror :
Who do you see when you take a good look at me ?

Guy :
I see a smiley , round-faced , chubby looking guy . He even looks like Shrek at a glance ..

Mirror :
No , no .. what do you really see ?

Guy :

I see a very troubled face . So worried , so troubled .

Mirror :
Good .. what else do you see ?

Guy :
I see someone who is overly cautious but ended up being the most careless person .

Mirror :
Why do you say so ?

Guy :
Because whenever he thinks he is being careful , he ends up making a huge mess . Always misunderstood , always a victim of circumstances . People always get the wrong impression of the things he actually wanted to do . In the end , people start to hate him and starts getting pissed at him . Imagine a driver driving a car at 70km per hr then suddenly had a flat tyre on a normal straight road , do you blame the driver for that ? What can he do ? he was being careful But he ended up being late for a big event , then people start to accuse him , punish him , scold him , hate him , threatened him , abuse him etc .... do you think he deserves it ?

Mirror :
I don't think so , but well he does look ok at a glance , but the more you spend time looking at his face , it tells you a story .. a tragic one you might say . So many things on his mind , what is he thinking ?

Guy :

Lots of things . Some necessary , some are just petty little ones that keeps popping up once in a while . Some are wonderful , beautiful ... some are just plain sad and dark . He doesn't know how to loosen up a bit .

Mirror :
But people are not mind readers , he cannot expect people to understand unless he tells them .

Guy :
But neither is he ! yet he is always misunderstood . Always at the wrong end of things . Sometimes he wonders what happens if the world does not have his presence ? Would things have been different ? Would the world be a happier place ? Would there be less animosity ? less anger ? More peaceful ? Does the world really need him ? What can he offer that other people can't ? Has he done enough in this world ?

Mirror :
Those are strong words .. a bit suicidal in my books . Look , I'm a mirror , I reflect things . So look deeper into me , it might reflect more things to you .

Guy :
Maybe he wished that there might be certain things he could've done different . He makes mistakes , lots of em' . We all do . Sometimes I see this person sitting alone on the praying mattress , heads down , praying . Pray so that he could one day be important and appreciated in this routine , prison-like life . He prays for his loved ones . His family . Though he can sometimes be a pain -in-the-a$$ , all he wants to do is just make things right . He just wishes that he could just say a Big Sorry to everyone he's met , no matter how big or how little his mistake to them was .

Mirror :
Doesn't he have people who care for him ?

Guy :
Of course . They mean the world to him . Yet there are forces out there , forces beyond his control that would spoil it for him . He can't do anything . He knows his actions can be stupid and brash sometimes . So that's why he feels dissappointed with himself for doing this . He has wronged the people he loves .

He's on his knees now , begging , Please make it like it was ..................

Smile :)

Do you think certain negative things you encounter in your life can be swept away just by a smile ? I definitely wish it could . You try to smile to the people around you , your loved ones , family . No one really knows that sometimes a smile can be considered as a mask . A mask that covers how you truly feel , what you are going through etc ..

You try to act tough , strong , responsible ... but everyday seems like a battlefield of emotions inside of you . A lots of things you wish you could've changed , some words you wish you didn't say , some important information you wish you'd remember , some actions you wish should've or shouldn't have taken ... and because you don't want to be a beacon of problems among your friends , loved ones and family ... you hide this aspect of yours ... you smile .

You try to be cheerful .. hoping it would help ease the feeling . I guess the core requirement of being me is patience . God knows what happens if I don't have that in abundance with me . I think I'd be a very hot headed person and the most hated man around . Sometimes I wish I could be a little bit ruthless ... it gets things done sometimes .

I wish I could be the best companion , friend , son , brother . I wish I could remember everything , always know what's going on around me . I wish I could be able to do things just at the right time coz most of the time , 'right timing' doesn't happen to me all the time . I wish I could be there just at the right time like Superman ... but I don't have his senses , speed , strength .. nor do I have the ability to read minds . I'm just plain human . I make mistakes , I have flaws .

However , I try not to stay like that . I try to forget my flaws as a human and try my best to be what I should be . I try to fix things . Yes , of course its like a hit-and-miss sometimes , but the best about being human is , you learn and you grow from experiences . I don't know whether I have done enough to change things around me , maybe yes , maybe not . I don't know if I have been good or bad . Here I am standing alone trying to figure out whether my existence have made a difference to this demanding world we live in .

As humans , we fear things . Fear will always be around us as a reminder for us to be careful . Like an alarm . Yes , I fear too . I fear a lot of things . Besides God , what I fear the most as a human being is the fear of losing the people you love and care about . My alarm starts ringing when I sense something is trying to take something I care about from me . You sometimes behave irrationally , acting weird , saying ridiculous things ..you panic . What do you do to hide it ? .. you smile . All you can do deep down is pray that it will go away .

I'm not the best person there is out there and I am definitely far from perfect . I don't consider myself perfect if I can't even remember important things , do the right things , be at the right places , knowing how everything feels like etc ...

I guess I have not been the best of companion , friend , son , colleague , human lately . This is just one of those moments you know ... you talk crap . Maybe I set the bar too high for myself this time , I don't know ...

*readers (if any) , please ignore wht this guy is writing about .. he's in his crappy little zone right now ... he's perfectly alrite *

Wake me up when September ends ? tsk tsk

Can't believe the last entry was on August 14th , its been that long ? Maybe this blog needs some updating . Well I don't really have that many updates til now . In case some of you are wondering how I've been , well I'd like to say I am doing just fine . Been working 2 weeks , non-stop last month . So I decided and said to myself "hmm..maybe I need to go somewhere and have a peace of mind" . And so I made the necessary calls and bookings for a trip to the 'Pearl of The Orient' , Penang . Penang was good . I can safely say that there are still nice beaches in Malaysia . The weather was perfect , hotel service excellent .

Don't believe me ? Check it out :





And it gets better ..







Here's a few shots of the hotel :





I've never had so much beef bacon and omelette for breakfast in my whole life here :





Well there you go . I would recommend anyone to come to Penang at this time of the year ... I don't sound like a tour guide am I ? hehe ...

Pictures are courtesy of an RM1299 Exilim camera btw :) .. None of those beautiful pics would be possible without it . Places like these , you can't rely on your small Razr V3 you know ..

Atmosphere ? hmm well most of the tourists are from the Middle East and old European folks . I got a shock of my life when I saw a Burkha-wearing Arab lady come landing down the beach , full-face covered , landing with a parachute ! 'Someone' was mean and gave her the name 'Flying Fox' ! I thought we're being attacked by Cobra Commander from the G.I Joe cartoon . Another incident was at night when we were walking along the beach . Suddenly we saw 2 shadows coming out from the woods! hehe isshh I kinda wonder , does it have to be black ? tak panas ke ? macam Nazgul ( LOTR ) pun ader .. scary shit man .. hehe . Just a joke . Please don't think I'm being mean . :) .

Overall , it was an excellent holiday throughout , but like they say "Its not about how or where you spend it , its the company you spend together with that counts" :) .. there goes my ayat manis .. hope I'll score some brownie points hehe ..

Peace ..

You know you're fat when .....

Someone compares you to this guy down here ...



Yes , Shrek !

Well someone said I resemble him and inherit his good looks ...



His athletism ...



His sense of humour & quirky habits ...



And who can forget those BIG sexy eyes of his ...



Maybe I should starve myself to death at night again like last time & stop finishing someone else's food , maybe someone would compare me to some other cartoon character ?

What's next ? Buzz Lightyear ?



:)

My Song for the Week of 07/08/06

Artist : Raul Midon
Title : Expressions of Love

Sweet lyrics :)

How would it be, If you and me, through our love, Could improve the world?
How would it be if we would see with our hearts?
It would be sweet expression of love.
How does it feel When you reveal to someone that they’ve found a friend?
How does it feel when someone whispers your name?
Feels like a sweet expression of love

Expressions of love Can’t deny
even when we’re saying goodbye
And just when it feels as if love’s at an end
It comes back again like the sun in spring
That’s the way of everything.
Here’s to hope and time …

Expressions of love can’t deny
Even when we’re saying goodbye
And just when it feels as if love’s at an end
It comes back again like the sun in spring
That’s the way of everything
Here’s to hope and time…

Superhero

Have you ever experience at a point of your life where your attention is required from every direction ? so constant that you feel it can tear you up ?

I do .

Well , what I'm trying to write here is not exactly to let out how frustrated I am with the whole world yada-yada .. the world is not fair la ..cruel la .. all that jazz ... this is just a way for me to take a breather from all the 'rush' around me and reflect on things . Carry on reading if you are interested to know , otherwise don't :) .

I think I live a superhero lifestyle ... without the adulation and praise like you see in the movies and comics .. and no panties thrown at me and all that :) Why ? simply because I have to be at a lot places with very limited time . So limited that I have to plan when I get to see my loved one , spend time with my family , hangout with my buddies for some teh tarik panas and also some alone time for myself . The demands of work and 'extra work' to show how harworking you are has taken up most of those time slots .

And there are also the many financial commitments that needs attention at the end of the month . You work , get that lovely paycheck with a glow on your face . But , you have to let go some of that to pay the bills . Not only you work to pay the bills but you also spend less time with your dear ones . Those you care and love . I look forward to days when I'm off to see them , spend time with them ... its a special feeling to have . Yet , I can't complain .

I'm happy working where I am right now , it pays well and all ... just that I wish I could get more time for my personal life . Maybe it takes a little sacrifice for that future you hoped for kinda thing you know ... I know all this is for my future . I kinda see the bigger picture at times ... its like building a house . Setting up the foundations and laying down the bricks is a daunting task in the beginning . But once those foundations are strong enough , all you need to do later will be a breeze . How come ? well you don't have to worry whether it would fall or not ..when you have a strong foundation , its hard to fall down . Unless you bring a demolisher and demolish it la hehe ..

In a way , these 'sacrifices' that I have to make kinda clashes with one my principals in life : Have a balanced life and be healthy .

I'm happy that there are those who understands and stood behind me to support . I do not know what lies ahead , nor do I know how long all this will last . I'm still trying my best to find that balance . I'm only 23 man , but in a way its good that I see the big picture early rather when I turn 30++ coz theres still room to correct and learn your mistakes .

It saddens me when I'm unable to be there when my loved ones needed me the most . I wish I could be there all the time , yet I can't . I'd lose my job . No job , no money = no future .

However , like previous experiences have taught me : theres light at the end of the dark tunnel . Maybe this is temporary . Can you imagine if I'm married right now ? that'll be crazy . I now understand how my parents think . A lot of things to think about .

I envy at those rich kids who couldn't seem to care less about their future . All they know is that they're Daddy is rich and they can get anything they want . Little did they know that wealth is temporary . I wish I have their wealth for me to further my Masters , open up a business , invest in real estate etc.. the money these rich kids spent on partying , if you accumulate it in a year , can settle my Masters man .

I wish they know that life is not all about partying at the happening nightspots and all that .. its more than that . You can't always rely on your other rich Uncles to hook you up with a job . You go overseas to study and bring back a cert ..... not to fail and bring back a mat salleh wife :P

Well , enough of that . Here's hoping that my loved ones know that despite my absence , they hold a very special place inside me and I love them .

Kinda emo pulak don't you think ? hehe . Oh well , I can't be macho all the time .. it's hard enough that I can't cry .. so I write la :P .

Peace .

Introducing .... Death Predictor ??

Wow .. I don't think Doraemon can come up with this thing from his bottomless pocket . Well no one tagged me but I found it on Ati's page . Having came back from work and in the mood to loosen up and chill , I tried this thing . Here's the result :

azryl: At age 49 while playing Tekken 23, a burglar will break into your house. A fight will ensue and you will lose.

damn ... I can't even fight a burglar ? hehe and Tekken 23 ?? gila la ... haha

http://evil.berzerker.net/death_predictions.php

Try it if u want it .

Lebanon

Hmm.. I've been looking at troubling news coming from Lebanon . Israelis seem to attack everyone without any restrictions right now don't they ? You know , the way I see it right .. is that the U.S is the clueless parent to the very naughty Israel . Everyone including the UN have been telling U.S how naughty Israel is yet U.S can't see it . Whenever U.S gives Israel a warning .. he stops for while , and then does it again .. usik-usik country lain balik . And what I think is kinda shitty is that 4 UN peacekeepers stationed in Lebanon were killed ! we're talking bout the UN here .. how big of a crime is that ?? yet all we do now is hold sleep-inducing peace talks , summits , conferences while Lebanon is still currently under attack .

Can't we do something else besides holding a rally like what Khairy Jamaludin did the other day ? As if they'd care . What good is the UN if they can't bring peace ? I dunno man , we don't need all these in this world . You can't bomb someone's house or mosque just because you 'suspect' there are terrorists there . What , you're gonna bomb first and then say "oops .. no one here , sorry :P " then move on to the next target ? that's really low man ...

Which is the Chosen One ?

I haven't had the time update lately . Well I'm currently on a dilemma . Here's the deal : I'm getting my first brand new car on my own , you know after you've work so hard .. you wanna reward yourself and get a car you can call it your own you know, from your own sweat . But somehow I'm having difficulties choosing which one .

I've realised that choosing a car is like choosing yourself a future wife :P

(some pictures below was taken from PaulTan.org and Yahoo! go check out PaulTan's blog . its a cool place to read about cars )

Candidate #1 - Proton Satria Neo
---------------------------------


'Ahhhhh.....' followed by a long sigh . That was my reaction when I first saw it . Pretty , nice to look at and fun to be with . You're guaranteed to have a good time . Runs on a 1.6 Campro engine and comes with standard 16" rims (yummy) . But it's a 2-door hatchback and the roof is slightly lower than the rest , something a 'flag pole' like me would find a bit crampy and plus , it can't carry many passengers ..so it has its limitations . Like one of those pretty ladies who looks great but can't cook , do the laundry or cleans up the house you know :P and someone the parents do not agree on .. hmm ...damn she looks fineee ..but is she for long term ? available in less than a week ...

Candidate #2 - Perodua MyVi
-----------------------------------


Ok this one right here , I see her as one of those your parents have set up for you . You know , like an arranged marriage , someone your parents would definitely agree . Runs on a 1.3 DVVT engine like my current Kembara , said to have good fuel consumption and very spacious . But looks - wise , its ok only la . Although its nice overall , but your heart 's not really into it you know ...hmmm where's the connection ? I can't sense it yet and oh , you have to wait for her for 1 or 2 months :P lamanya ..

Candidate #3 - Proton Gen 2
----------------------------------


One of those mysterious looking ones you know , looks impressive , can do more things compared to Candidate #1 and also runs on 1.6 Campro engine but doesn't come with 16"s la . You can have fun , at the same time she's a decent cook , cleans the house etc.. But one thing is that you've been hearing stories like the many problems related to it . So you don't know if she's reliable or not . Well Proton claims they have rectified the flaws which were evident in the first batches . hmmm this is an option ... also available in a week ...

Notice that its all in black ? hehe well that's because its my choice of colour to have for my car . I've always wanted a black ride .. it calls to me hehe . And oh notice that they're all locals ? simply because of its affordability . Awek-awek Jepun ( Toyota , Honda etc..) Korea ( Hyundai etc..) or Perancis ( Peugeot etc.. ) semua out of my range laa ...

Sigh the dillemma .. will 'test drive' all of it to find out ;P ......

Ada 'ong' ka ini nombor ?

:)

My name is ! .. my name is .. !

Your First Name of: Azrael

-Although the name Azrael creates an interest in the deeper aspects of life, we emphasize that it causes an emotional intensity that is hard to control.

-This name, when combined with the last name, can frustrate happiness, contentment, and success, as well as cause health weaknesses in the heart, lungs, bronchial area, and nervous system.

-Your first name of Azrael has given you a clever, deep mind and the talent to excel in highly inspirational lines of endeavour as a dramatist, musician, writer, or artist.

-You can be lifted by beauty in all forms and you are at the most creative when inspired.

-Your expressive, affectionate nature responds very quickly through your feelings, but you must guard against being possessive and jealous.

-You feel and sense much that you do not fully understand and cannot express.

-Your delight in mystery could draw you into occult studies or religions.

-Also means 'Angel of Death' in biblical books .

thanx to Mr. Armand for the reference . Ahh.. things you do when you're bored and killing time before you're off to work hehe..

www.kabalarians.com

Forza Azzurri !

Yep , Italy won the 2006 World Cup . They were the better team , defensive-wise last night . Cannavaro should've been my Man of the Match . He was excellent at the back . France were frightening coming forward at times .. they were very quick .. to do that for 120minutes . Damn , don't these guys have lungs ? hehe .

So the 'Footbalitis' epidemic has finally subsided . Peolple would get back to their 'normal' lives now . Getting adequate sleep to work , surrendering their remote control to someone else hehe . Football jersey prices will decrease finally . Time to get that Argentina & Italy jersey I wanted .

Hmm , what's to look forward to after this ? EPL baby ! The next few months will be interesting . Clubs will start getting new players . Hope Liverpool get a few wingers ( Joaquin ? Giuly ? anyone ?? ) and another striker .

I realised me and the fellas never had a 'Hari Keluarga' session at my place during the World Cup season . Those PS2 controllers looked dusty .. sigh the demands of work :) . Haven't visited 'SS15' in a while .. I wonder if the PCs are still ok .. Kinda in the mood to kill with an AK-47 and plant a bomb ..or crawl inside a ventilation tunnel and rescue hostages .. hmm where my commandoes at ? hehe ..

When life decides to balance things up

Have you ever had a really bad day where everything is wrong and the more you try to fix it , it gets worse ? A day where everything is a critical mistake and you have people cornering you , scolding you like nobody's business ?

At the end of the day , you felt so alone , unable to react to it .. feeling so helpless . You don't know who is willing to help you or lend you support .

Well I'm experiencing that . I'm feeling so empty at the moment . I feel like I've been put on the spot in the middle of a huge desert with firing squads surrounding me . No one hears you , no one knows , no one understands . You're struggling to find that guidance to get you out of it . Yet you're alone .

What a bad day .. what a bad day .. I'm so alone . Just felt like saying sorry to everyone .

Have you ever had a dream .. then suddenly you end up crying in your sleep ? I'm waking up with tears in my eyes .. real tears ! these past few days . I can't remember when was the last time I cried ... 5 , 6 years ago ?

I dunno .. I'm lost for words .. I hate to be like this ..

The last thing I wanna be is being overdramatic .. its not me .. THIS is not me ...

I'm so alone .. so invisible .. so hollow

A Man's Worth

*puts on his emo cap on* .. ok here I am again . This is gonna sound a bit darker than previous ones . Once in a while , like a garbage bin .. you need to throw the trash out of the bin when its full . Don't worry , this is just a routine detox procedure that I do once in a while when theres too many things goin on this mind . Need to clear things up a little bit you know , my way . I do not expect anyone to understand .

Are you worth anything if :

1) You don't get the respect you deserve as a human being ?
2) People always misunderstood you , despite your best efforts to prove them otherwise ?
3) You keep confusing people you care about , with questions marks all over you ?
4) You are kept 'hidden' and 'invisible' from the outside world , as if you never existed ?
5) You get ditched like dirt when you're no longer needed ?

and many more....

So , a man is worth what under those circumstances ?

We always hear the heavy emotional burden related to the opposite sex . Many have neglected the experiences a man would have . The world expects us to be the alpha male - strong , solid & calm . Able to swallow everything in and forget about it . The reality is , it can't always be like that . Sometimes you can swallow everything , sometimes you just can't . Many do not realise that it can also be the hardest thing a guy could actually do . The world expects us to be strong when faced with depression , problems , rejection , abuse and many others at ALL times .

Many seem to forget that a man is also born with a face and a heart , he is not built from rocks . We do feel , we do have pride . I have to say it is a bit unfair to blame things on us all the time . Sure , we are cursed with this thing called 'ego' , but everyone has that , even amongst the opposite sex . Being a man can be tough at times . The world expects you to just accept what's coming your way head on and you do not have the rights to complain about it , unlike the prestige given to the opposite sex .

We do feel sad , angry , happy etc... but the world expects us to combine all those expressions into one single face . We can't cry if we're sad , we mustn't look angry when pissed or smile when we're happy . I have lost the ability to do all those at the moment , even though I feel those sensations . No wonder us guys have developed our own ways of getting over our sadness , hurt , problems ... like fixing the car , taking a quiet drive on a highway (i do that) , writing or simply by just having some quiet alone time at home , just lying down sleeping .

We do not want the world to sympathise , just a little bit of understanding .

*takes off his emo cap* .. pheww .. now my head's slightly lighter :)

time to take that quiet drive to work now ...

The Disease

Few days back , I had a chat with one of my seniors at work and he talked about a seminar they were slotted to attend in KL by the company . He explained to me in great lengths about how good this seminar was and how it changed his perception on good work ethics and mentality .

The speaker stressed that we should'nt worry about the past and the future so obsessively . Worrying is a disease . A disease that can open up for more diseases . Worrying can affect the human brain in the worse possible way . The brain tends to shrink when we worry do you know that ? it hinders the brain from expanding and thus limiting your thoughts . The speaker said that the mind is like a universe , why must we shrink it ?

Many workers worry about the mistakes they made in the past , why ? it's in the past . What can you do ? . Even about our futures , why worry so obsessively ? we don't know what's ahead of us . The speaker further added that , take a look at our fellow Malaysian billionaire - Genting owner Tan Sri Lim Goh Tong , who came from humble beginnings , told everyone that he'd become a rich man someday but who would've thought that he would ? we have no control over our past and our future , that's the bottomline .

Why worry over something you have no control of ? instead , the speaker said that we should all focus on the environment that we have a control on : our present . Give your 110% on your present all the time and that's it . You come to work , do your job in your best capacity and stop worrying about what you will get in the future . If you believe that you have done your best yet you did not get what you deserve , its not your fault . Do not blame yourself . That is called fate , which is beyond our control , right ?

He also said that we shouldn't overwork ourselves just in hopes of impressing the boss . If you're paid based on the 9hours or 12hours of work , then why work longer than that if the company doesn't pay you extra for that ? When you overwork , for the sake of showing how hardworking you are , you ended up getting sick in the hospital . Do you think your boss would come visit you ? The boss will visit you if you did something wrong , not when you're doing good .

The speaker also said that we must value the time we have after work for God , ourselves , family , loved ones and friends . Why take that time away from all those by working extra hours ? What do you get ? Do not be a slave to your work . Value the time and attention we give to the things we hold dear and remind ourselves that we are human beings , not robots . The reason why the boss expects you to do extra work is actually to cover up any incompetence he would have when something bad happens . Being on top is not easy , so you gotta understand their position .

So from now on , focus on the present , you can control it , shape it whatever and however you want it . Life is about making choices , we humans have the greatest gift of all : the brain . Use it . Decide what is best for you and most importantly do not worry . Just be mindful and careful , but don't worry . Problems gets worse when you start to worry .

Yo PAS , Don't Be Trippin Now .. Ya Heard ?!

I was driving back home from work this morning while listening to some radio stations with their morning news , reports and stuff . Then I switched to this particular radio station and what the DJ reported caught my attention . I'm sure most Malaysians know what this whole 'Kongsi Raya' deal is right ? Basically its all about celebrating two or more different cultural/religious special days at the same time .. example Hari Raya & Chinese New Year .

Well from the radio report , seems like our boys in Parti PAS , Kelantan branch are not feeling this whole 'Kongsi Raya' concept . Why ? according to their Vice President or someone la , by celebrating Hari Raya with other religion , ia "boleh merosakkan akidah" or in English "capable of corrupting your faith" . I was like "wtf?" How the hell can that happen ? And get this , it is considered "syirik" or " blasphemous" !! . Hah !

According to them again , we Muslims supposedly should be celebrating it amongst us muslim only and although this is so , that should'nt stop us from visiting and paying respects to our friends from other religions . All their trying to say is , there should be a separate day for us Muslims to celebrate our own tradition and another for other religions .

To me , I don't see it as a problem . First of all , how will it corrupt our faith ? its not as if we invite our non-muslim friends to the mosque or them taking us to the temple or anything . When it comes to worshipping , I think we all pretty much know where our limits are ... these PAS guys think we're so stupid . I think they should stay in KL and really experience what's going on . I mean its easy to say things like that when you're in Kelantan , coz Kelantan is a very Malay concentrated area so theres hardly an issue of multi-racial differences involved .

I don't know why we should portray ourselves as a religion that is so 'confined and rigid' . Pardon me , but if we were to prove that our religion is good we should prove to the world that our religion can adapt to changes . Able to stand the test of time . I do not doubt my religion for a second , its just that I feel that time's changed and that we should adapt and open up . In my opinion , instead of it corrupting us , I think this whole Kongsi Raya thingy has got more positive values than negative ones . Not only it fosters the spirit of friendship and tolerance between different races and religions , it builds bridges . Each religion could learn from one another each other's beliefs and cultures . Isn't that a good thing ? Not only the curiosities about a particular religion be erased , I think it will help us understand better and strengthen our individual beliefs .

Look , I'm only 23 , my mom's a Kelantanese , this PAS guy is probably older than me , much wiser and more knowledgable perhaps . Who am I to say anything bout this right ? Plus I like Kelantan , I go back there whenever I can during Raya to visit my one and only grandma left ( my other grandma is chinese somemore .. multi racial ? ) . We always see and hear people preaching about our multi-racial society and why we should 'Pupuk semangat ' among each other , yet when I hear PAS coming up with statements like these , I can't help but feel they're not practising what they preach . You encourage multi-racial union , yet indirectly you're sending subliminal messages saying "oh kita Islam , Islam sahaja cara hidup kat dunia ni" . Come on man hehe .

I just hope they would open up their eyes a lil bit , explore more , experience more . Don't stay in Kelantan too long . I dunno if I'm gonna get in trouble for this , I hope it is not wrong for me to voice out my opinion , from a fellow young muslim man . I mean if Dr M can voice out his frustrations to the freaking PM , then mine is considered nothing ok hehe ..

Tega

Here I am again , hey btw, go and check out Glenn Fredly's new song -"Tega" . At first I didn't really listen to the lyrics coz the melody was so good . After seeing the video of the song , I began to take notice the story its trying to tell .. a story of betrayal by a loved one . I found out that this song was about a girl who's cheating on her boyfriend , by having an affair with his own best friend . Typical idea for a love triangle movie right ? ... Amazing how music videos can really help enhance people's interest on a particular song .

Good lyrics from 'Tega' :

di tengah rasa rinduku yg menggebu
kau bersama dia
di saat-saat ku menunggu dirimu
kau bersama dia

reff:
bila kau cinta aku
mengapa kau tipu diriku
tuk bersama dia

chorus:
kau bunuh hatiku
saat ku bernafas untukmu
kau kebanggaan aku
yg tega menipuku


Betrayal is a painful thing , I've experienced it , in the past . Betrayal is an awful thing to experience , it cuts deep inside .. leaving a permanent scar in you . Like an invisible knife cutting through you , minus the bleeding .

How does one handle betrayals ? be it with a friend , family or loved one , how ?

Different people have different ways of dealing it . Dealing it is only half the battle , hooray ..you stepped up ..but the real battle begins after that . The 'recovery' stage . Imagine a simple scenario : Boy has a gf , both seem perfect .. but girl suddenly fancies this other 'new' guy in her life , but because bf is a nice guy ...gf decides to play a dangerous game .. keeping both :) .. Just like in the video .

Betrayals occur rarely to me , but when it did , boy what an unpleasant feeling it is to have . I just thought about writing on this topic because it is reality . Let's just say I handled mine rather well , but it took a mighty long while to recover , that's for sure ... something I hope to never go through again .

Is betrayal the best way to 'conceal' your true loyalties or motives ? Maybe this is hard to understand to some , but those who do will surely know that it can the most dangerous killer to us humans with hearts :)

What goes through the mind of the betrayer when he/she is doing it ? Pleasure ? Guilt ? we'll never know .. coz selfishness and personal gains will the driving force to commit it ..

Before I lead you all to think that I'm experiencing that right now , I better stop :) I'm not . Just beware that its out there , be careful ..

Work Ethics

Something I'd like to share with y'all ... :)

Mr. Narayana Murthy is undoubtedly one of the most famous persons from Karnataka. He is known not just for building the biggest IT Empire in India but also for his simplicity. Almost every important dignitary visits InfoSys campus. He delivered an interesting speech during an employee session with another IT company in India. He is incidentally, one of the top 50 influential people of Asia according to an Asiaweek publication and also the new IT Advisor to the Thailand Prime Minister.

Extract of Mr. Narayana Murthy's Speech during a Mentor Session :

"I know people who work 12 hours a day, six days a week, or more. Some people do so because of a work emergency where the long hours are only temporary.

Other people I know have put in these hours for years. I do not know if they are working all these hours, but I do know they are in the office this long. Others put in long office hours because they are addicted to the workplace.Whatever the reason for putting in overtime, working long hours over the long term is harmful to the person and to the organization. There are things managers can do to change this for everyone's benefit. Being in the office long hours, over long periods of time, makes way for potential errors.My colleagues who are in the office long hours frequently make mistakes caused by fatigue. Correcting these mistakes requires their time as well as the time and energy of others.

I have seen people work Tuesday through Friday to correct mistakes made after 5 PM on Monday.Another problem is that people who are in the office long hours are not pleasant company. They often complain about other people (who are not working as hard); they are irritable, or cranky, or even angry. Other people avoid them. Such behaviour poses problems, where work goes much better when people work together instead of avoiding one another.As Managers, there are things we can do to help people leave the office. First and foremost is to set the example and go home ourselves.

I work with a manager who chides people for working long hours. His words quickly lose their meaning when he sends these chiding group e-mails with a time-stamp of 2 AM, Sunday.Second is to encourage people to put some balance in their lives. For instance, here is a guideline I find helpful:


1) Wake up, eat a good breakfast, and go to work.

2) Work hard and smart for eight or nine hours.

3) Go home.

4) Read the books/comics, watch a funny movie, dig in the dirt, play with your kids, etc.

5) Eat well and sleep well.


This is called recreating. Doing steps 1, 3, 4, and 5 enable step 2. Working regular hours and recreating daily are simple concepts. They are hard for some of us because that requires 'personal change'. They are possible since we all have the power to choose to do them.

In considering the issue of overtime, I am reminded of my oldest son. When he was a toddler, if people were visiting the apartment, he would not fall asleep no matter how long the visit was, and no matter what time of day it was. He would fight off sleep until the visitors left. It was as if he was afraid that he would miss some thing. Once our visitors' left, he would go to sleep. By this time, however, he was over tired and would scream through half the night with nightmares. He, my wife, and I, all paid the price for his fear of missing out.

Perhaps some people put in such long hours because they do not want to miss anything when they leave the office. The trouble with this is that events will never stop happening. That is life! Things happen 24 hours a day. Allowing for little rest is not ultimately practical. So, take a nap. Things will happen while you are asleep, but you will have the energy to catch up when you wake.

Hence,

"LOVE YOUR JOB, BUT NEVER FALL IN LOVE WITH YOUR COMPANY BECAUSE YOU NEVER KNOW WHEN THE COMPANY STOPS LOVING YOU"

- Narayana Murthy

;) Peace ..

If only War is just a game of Football

Yep , just chilling in the room listening to some Euge Groove tunes , a lil bit of Musiq Soulchild , a touch of Tompi and a few sprinkles of Notorious B.I.G on this calm afternoon :) . Been watching ( and recording :P ) a lot of football friendlies these past few days . Suddenly this mind wonders ' hmm if only War is settled through football or any other sport ' . Crazy ? maybe it is .

I watch a lot of BBC , CNN and Bernama in my workplace . And reports about wars occur every single day .. even minutes ! War is overrated nowadays . Greedy folks looking to gain more foothold in the world's economy by taking other country's resources in the name of War Againts Terrorism seems like a normal Modus Operrandi nowadays . War is an expensive campaign . You develop weapons , deploy thousands of soldiers , properties get destroyed etc ... Such a costly campaign for such an unhonourable act on humanity . Getting rid of people from their homes , violating them , taking away their economic resources and comitting genocide seems to be the core ingredients when cooking up this campaign .

And to shift the world's focus from the real bad guys are these 'terrorists' ..or Islamic terrorist :P . Terrorists who are so-called Holy Warriors fighting in the name of religion but not realising the damage done on normal everday living Muslims in this world . Now the world thinks that every Muslim is bad or either has a bomb strapped underneath his shirt .

Sad picture .

Look , these guys are hot headed in nature , piss them off and they'll attack you , simple as that . So the real bad guys , being smart , uses these terrorists to do their job . Pissing them off , they attack , the world cries for justice ... and then these real bad guys would be able to start their campaign and not being seen as evil to the world's eyes . They go and invade in the name of War Against Terrorism when their actual motive is not really on gaining more territorial ground , but more of an economical one . Killing 2 birds with 1 stone ? maybe so .

Now , when you think that it is slowly getting calmer , they start to become greedier . They start looking at other places . What a vicious cycle . The sad thing is , soldiers die for nothing nowadays . Why waste your life on some greedy quest ? When will it all end ?

That's why I have this idiotic idea of settling disputes through a game of football hehe .. instead of saying : " We have developed a new biological weapon , able to wipe out cities in a single blow " ... we can hear something like : " We have found a new young striker who can dribble , score goals and is very fast " . And all is settled on the pitch . Very minimum damages done , less money spent on destruction , more towards sportmanship and unity .

But we all know that will never happen , as long as money is the driving force for success and power . Please do not take my writing too seriously , this is what I do when I have that little bit of free time hehe . .. coming up with crazy ideas .

Looking forward to a good World Cup 2006 , but , there are more important things to look forward to in my books :) ..

X3 : The Last Stand - a review by a comic fan



May 26th 2006 is a sad and shameful day for comic book inspired movies . In Marvel world , there are few titles you should never ever mess with .. and that's Spiderman , Avengers , Hulk and especially the X-Men ! . I believe FOX , Brett Ratner and even Marvel themselves have a committed a crime to us fans of the comic book .

I was pretty psyched up when I heard they were making X3 . As explained in X2 , Bryan Singer perfectly laid out the foundations at the end of the movie for a possible 'Phoenix Saga' for its next installment . I was ecstatic , because this would mean that my favourite character Cyclops is finally going to be given the proper treatment he should've gotten , which were lacking massively in the first two X movies . So I started investigating online to find out more on updates regarding the movie .

So finally its clear and 100% accurate as explained in some websites about the plot of the story . I knew about the plot months before its screening . So it centers around a cure , Magneto's waging a war and Jean's return from the watery depths of Alkali Lake . I went to see this movie with my fellow hardcore comic buddies and let's just say we all felt absolutely betrayed . What I'm about to write next from here on might come as a spoiler to those who haven't seen it ..so I strongly advise you to not continue reading this if you haven't seen the movie .

Remember the crime I was talking about ? ok , they have committed a crime by killing 3 most influential and pivotal characters that us fans grew up with since the 80's in just a matter of minutes !

Prof Charles Xavier
------------------------------
Phoenix killed him . Now this is like killing Yoda in Star Wars . How could you kill him in such a manner ? Yes , there are versions in the comics where he was deceased but the writers in the comics did a good job explaining why and threaded very carefully around this idea to not upset the fans . But in this movie , he died cheaply . At least he got a proper funeral service compared to the other two .

Scott Summers a.k.a Cyclops
-----------------------------------------
My favourite X-Man . How I pity this first X-Man and LEADER of the X-Men being treated in such a shameful way by the movie writers . As if he never existed in all the X movies you know . He NEVER dies in the comics ! even if there is , it would definitely not be in a 'Phoenix Saga' !! to me , the 'Phoenix Saga' is one of the best chapters ever written in X-Men folklore and it provided us an insight into Cyclops and his struggles . Non-fans might not understand it , I don't blame them . Imagine a Star Wars movie without Luke , a Power Ranger robot with no head , a bus full of people with no driver , a compass with no arrow .. you get what I mean ?

Imagine a toy where you need to assemble them with a glue . But theres no glue , the toys will fall apart , rite ? see that's who Cyclops is . As their leader , he's the glue that sticks everyone together , the driver that steers the vehicle , the arrow of the compass to give it a direction . Sadly , this was not evident at all in the movies . In more lame-man terms , think of him as the strict 'Penolong Kanan' teacher in your school . Although he might not have a lot of fans , but deep down you need him and imagine your school without him .. havoc rite ?

And yes , he dies in the movie .. at the hands of Jean , the woman he loves the most . He was the only one still mourning over her death unlike the rest , but gets killed by her first . WTF ??

Not only that , the writers added more salt to the wound by adding a steamy scene involving Jean and Wolverine !! not only you killed the guy , you let his girlfriend kiss another man after that ?? It didn't stop there . Wolverine is given by the writers one true thing that Cyclops supposed to have that the other X-Men did not have - leadership . Imagine a Romeo & Juliet play , but Romeo gets killed early in the story , only to be replaced by some other character to be with Juliet . Yes , that's how ridiculous this is . And for Wolverine to be the center of focus in a freaking 'Phoenix' storyline instead of Cyclops is just plain wrong .



Tell what's wrong with this scenario - Good Guy loves Girl , Bad Boy also loves Girl , Girl kills Good Guy , chooses Bad Boy , Bad Boy kills Girl ..... ??????

Jean Grey / Phoenix
--------------------------------
Gets skewered like a kebab by - again , Wolverine :P at the end of the movie .

I feel like all the X movies shouldn't be called X-Men , instead 'Wolverine And His Amazing Friends' would've been a more appropriate title . What's the point of making a movie about a team when the main focus is on one individual ? wheres the teamwork that was so evident in the comics and cartoons that people have grown to love ? . This is exactly like Tom Cruise in MI . Everything is about Wolverine . FYI to non-fans : He was not even an original member of the X-men in the first place . Instead the line up was : Cyclops , Jean , Beast , Iceman & Angel . Period, the original 5 . Not even Storm , not even the rest .



I know many neutral moviegoers would find this a very entertaining movie with all the special effects . By now , 'normal' people would have the assumption that Wolverine is the hero while the rest are all just extras .

I feel like the movie was done in a rush . Every clip seems to move at a quicker pace compared to X1 and X2 . A lot of errors and misleading information were portrayed in the movie .

1) Juggernaut is not a mutant . He's Xavier's brother . Magneto knows it . However , in the movie , especially during Magneto's 'rescue' and the visit to Jean's old home ... Xavier and Juggs didn't utter a word to each other .. like they don't know each other . Another one was when Magneto released Juggs from his cell ... again .. they act as if they just met . ???

2) Why is Beast the first X-Man ? it was written everywhere in Marvel pages that Cyclops was the first .

3) Angel was supposed to behave like a flamboyant rich playboy , not a wimpy teenager . Bad casting and character direction .

4) What happened to Phoenix's flames ? Bryan Singer perfectly set up those at the end of X2 .

5) Multiple Man was never a baddie . Why is he a villain in this movie ?

6) Callisto has an eye patch and is very lesbian , gothic looking . Not a sexy latino babe who has Quicksilver's powers .

7) Psylocke never ever joined Magneto . In this movie she does .

8) Wolverine does NOT heal that fast . An injury such a your flesh being taken off would take him days to heal , not in minutes !


I just feel that a lot of attention has been given to Wolverine already in the previous two films . I expected him to take a back seat on this one and let the others shine . How I would treat his character is that he will have his moments with those claws ... but let the emotional roller coaster ride being taken cared of by Cyclops and Storm .

I would love to see Cyclops' reaction if he finds out that Xavier , his mentor and father figure, has been manipulating Jean all these while and whether he would have what it takes to kill the woman of his life , after all the mourning and suffering . Sadly , Angel had very little part to play . I would be jumping for joy if theres a scene involving the original 5 in action . The teamwork . An ode to the classics :) .



Too bad . Simon Kinberg and Zak Penn - writers for this movie , supposedly comic book fans just couldn't even think of that .



This is a pipe dream , but deep down here's hoping that someone would translate X-Men into movies that way it should be . Instead of making a movie for the sake of marketing purposes and profit , maybe what viewers want is not just a movie with special effects galore , but a movie with good storytelling .

Fly High or Fly Low .... A Rocket or Hovercraft ?

I think it is a general assumption that when you're happy , you lift your spirits up .. yes ? However , sometimes when we let ourselves get too happy .. we tend to fly too high like a jet to the skies . When something bad happens , we'll get a long fall down back to earth .. we become a total wreck . It's hard to piece everything back together from such a disastrous fall . But if we control ourselves well enough , we can dictate how high we fly and the best bet is to fly low . Like a hovercraft , barely flying .. just floating . In that way if anything happens , it'll just be a small fall .. lesser damage and with a higher possibility of flying back again .. yes ?

I think the same goes with our lives . I think we should'nt get too carried away with happiness or good things because there will be days of sorrow to balance it out . Like a close friend once said to me , " Once you're up , the only way to go next is down " . Now I dunno to what extent the truth of that statement is , but I guess it's a good way to keep yourself grounded and be extra careful . Think of it like a mental preparation of what's coming next . Sure , we should learn from the past , focus on the present and plan for the future , .. but sometimes I think we should screw all those wise words and enjoy the reward that we deserved based on our own efforts . Perseverance , hardwork and guts .

I worry when things are too comfortable ... too serene . I worry because things have not been like that for so long and suddenly everything is so nice .. too nice . Once in a while , I ask God " Ok... all these are wonderful .. thanx .. so what's the catch ? " hehe . Yep , I dunno , maybe coz I'm used to have things not go my way and suddenly everything falls into place . Like a bat released in daylight . My eyes needs some readjustments . Nevertheless , I'm grateful and it makes me wanna work hard to maintain this new gift from God . God , you surprised me again :)

But I will not let my guard down , I will be alert . That's just my nature .

Maybe you need to fly high sometimes and maybe you need to fly low once in a while too .. adapt , coz you'll never know what's ahead . A good pilot will always know when and how to fly . Just like us - how we control ourselves when we experience happiness :)

Peace .

Review : Tompi's Friday Night Performance @ Alexis , Ampang 13/05/2006

Since I'm on a 2-day MC , I thought of writing . Yes , I went to watch Tompi's debut performance here in KL . I found out about it a couple of days in advance , so I made the necessary calls .



2015 hrs
Got there bout 15minutes before the reservation time . They gave us front row seats . I think we were one of the earliest , considering his performance starts at 2215hrs . Well we would 've preferred to reach slightly later , but reservations are reservations you know . And it was a supposed to be dinner , not supper :P

2130hrs
While enjoying the main course , the place began to be filling up fast ... as fast as how I was chewing the lamb cutlets in my mouth . We could see Tompi and his band doing the sound checks with that classic looking , one-directional mic of his . Lewis Pragasam , yes the legendary drummer in Malaysia (and probably Asia?) was on drums , this white dude by the name of Chris was on guitar (someone apparently was in love with him ..ciss ) , a mysterious old malay guy on bass and a young lady on keyboards ( I forgot both of their names ) .



2230hrs
Showtime . Started out by singing tracks from his Bali Lounge album like 'Apa' etc ... This guy is just simply awesome . He scats really well , has a chameleon-like voice and the music was just off the hook ! He even sang one of my favourites , a Stevie Wonder track called 'Isn't She Lovely' .. yep .. gave me goosebumps . Maybe I'm just into live jazz/R&B .. I felt so alive .. not to mention I had an excellent company to experience it :) ..

2315hrs
End of session one .

2335hrs

Session two starts . He got the crowd goin with M People's 'Ain't No Sunshine' , then his signature track from Bali Lounge called 'Something's Wrong' . Later on he would introduce the band and belted out a smooth rendition of 'Selalu Denganmu' .. cair man .. 'cayak habeh' :P .. Plus the crowd was a cool bunch and such a sport , participating in his impromtu jazz freestyle sessions .. part of me was itching to join ... but volunteering wouldn't look good hehe ...



0130hrs
2 hours of mesmerising Jazz and R&B was exactly the perfect way for me personally to relax . What a nite .

After that , I went up to him to get the CDs he's selling .. took photos and got him to sign on my CDs . He was a humble chap . Told me that he's coming back again next week . Told him that I'm definitely bringing my friends along again . He nodded humbly , smiled and said "Please do that .." .



The scenery ? plenty of nice views for the guys hehe but too bad not for the ladies ..unless a bunch of gay guys or a Shawn Yue lookalike is your cup of tea . The gay guys sat right next to our table by the way ..and NO nothing happened to me :P . All in all , it was a night to remember and one that I look forward to in the future ... with lesser gay guys and more ladies I hope hehe ...

Peace .

Thank You 1433 for making it all happen :)