A letter to God
Dear God ,
It's me again . Yes, your not-so-good creation . Got a few things I wanna say and clarify with You. What was going through You when you created me ? Do You have a certain life plan for me ? I'm curious because , after a stable start , I feel lost at the moment .
Am I destined for great things ? A lot of responsibilities and reliance seem to be placed upon me . I'm being pulled from all sides . To be honest , I don't even know who I am or what have I become right now . There are times I get heaps of praise , there are times I get hurt and hated . Even the most precious things I hold and trust dearly , are beginning to hate me . Again, I feel like I'm a superhero . I can try my best to save everyone but me . However , not many realised that . This is not a letter of sympathy , just Your Forgiveness and Understanding .
I have dreams God. I have visions and ideals of what and how I want my life to be in the future . I'd like to take this opportunity to thank You for fulfilling half of that til today . I have one of the most precious gift from You right now . Trying my best to take good care of it .
Like many other of your creations , I do have feelings and wants . Most importantly , I'm a person . When things turn bad or sour , I don't just simply press the panic button and reset everything back to square one . You look carefully and analyse what is the root cause of it turning bad or sour . You ask yourself whether was it necessary in the first place . It could just be a simple error . Is it worth it? hurting each other and people around you in process ? could you have done better or have you done your best to solve it ?
I need Your guidance . I'm only 23 , but I'm entrusted to take care of family members who are way older than me . I'm required to grow up faster than the rest .
If I could , I would use every ounce of what I have left to make everyone happy at the expense of mine . I don't care if I don't buy the latest gadgets , wear the latest clothes or go to exotic places . For me , the satisfaction comes when you see how happy they are when you make them happy . Those good times , the bad times . I'm still doing my best to please everyone . Though I might not get the acknowledgement or proof of my existense in their lives . To some , I feel like I'm dispensable , coz the people around them don't know I even existed in the first place . I'm just a secret .
Despite my efforts , theres still those who get hurt along the way . I need You to guide me and help me go through this .
Why am I working in the first place , if I ended up hurting everyone around me ?
Will it change things for the better if I was jobless and still rely on other people for money ?
my health is getting affected .
Will it change things if I was more available to everyone ?
will that make me a better son , bf or friend ?
will I be better for You ?
Despite trying hard to be the best for everyone , I still get questioned over my commitments , loyalties and intentions . I get branded as irresponsible instead . I have 4 most important people I'd die for : You , my family , my girlfriend and my friends . They are all that matters to me . I feel shitty when I don't entertain my nephew/niece that much nowadays , seeing them getting more distant from me , when I'm always back home , tired . I get hurt when my girlfriend is hurt and the worst feeling is that you're not always there to comfort her when she really needs it or maybe commit a mistake by forgetting some finer details she has told you in conversations . I grew up and spent half of my life with friends and when I always had to cancel meetings or a simple minum-minum at the mamak , I feel bad .
God, why am I here ? What am I here for ? Does the world really need someone like me ?
I wonder how things are if I didn't exist in the first place . Would it lessen the pain I've caused to everyone? would it make their lives easier ?
Could you make me a little bit more selfish ?
I'm tired . I'm lost . I'm weak . I'm hollow.
Watching the movie 'Click' really opened my eyes . It's never too late to tell that person sorry or fix your relationship with them .
Before I end this letter , there is one thing I'd do when the time comes for me . In my last breath , I would like to gather my 4 most important people in one place , put my hands up and say
"I'm sorry everyone , from the bottom of my heart , I wish I could have more time for you all , I hope I've been good enough ..."
and leave this world in peace , knowing at the back of my mind that I did the best way I can .
P/s- Thank You for entertaining this letter . I know You are busy other people with much bigger problems than mine . I just don't know who to turn to . I'm sorry .
Dear God ,
It's me again . Yes, your not-so-good creation . Got a few things I wanna say and clarify with You. What was going through You when you created me ? Do You have a certain life plan for me ? I'm curious because , after a stable start , I feel lost at the moment .
Am I destined for great things ? A lot of responsibilities and reliance seem to be placed upon me . I'm being pulled from all sides . To be honest , I don't even know who I am or what have I become right now . There are times I get heaps of praise , there are times I get hurt and hated . Even the most precious things I hold and trust dearly , are beginning to hate me . Again, I feel like I'm a superhero . I can try my best to save everyone but me . However , not many realised that . This is not a letter of sympathy , just Your Forgiveness and Understanding .
I have dreams God. I have visions and ideals of what and how I want my life to be in the future . I'd like to take this opportunity to thank You for fulfilling half of that til today . I have one of the most precious gift from You right now . Trying my best to take good care of it .
Like many other of your creations , I do have feelings and wants . Most importantly , I'm a person . When things turn bad or sour , I don't just simply press the panic button and reset everything back to square one . You look carefully and analyse what is the root cause of it turning bad or sour . You ask yourself whether was it necessary in the first place . It could just be a simple error . Is it worth it? hurting each other and people around you in process ? could you have done better or have you done your best to solve it ?
I need Your guidance . I'm only 23 , but I'm entrusted to take care of family members who are way older than me . I'm required to grow up faster than the rest .
If I could , I would use every ounce of what I have left to make everyone happy at the expense of mine . I don't care if I don't buy the latest gadgets , wear the latest clothes or go to exotic places . For me , the satisfaction comes when you see how happy they are when you make them happy . Those good times , the bad times . I'm still doing my best to please everyone . Though I might not get the acknowledgement or proof of my existense in their lives . To some , I feel like I'm dispensable , coz the people around them don't know I even existed in the first place . I'm just a secret .
Despite my efforts , theres still those who get hurt along the way . I need You to guide me and help me go through this .
Why am I working in the first place , if I ended up hurting everyone around me ?
Will it change things for the better if I was jobless and still rely on other people for money ?
my health is getting affected .
Will it change things if I was more available to everyone ?
will that make me a better son , bf or friend ?
will I be better for You ?
Despite trying hard to be the best for everyone , I still get questioned over my commitments , loyalties and intentions . I get branded as irresponsible instead . I have 4 most important people I'd die for : You , my family , my girlfriend and my friends . They are all that matters to me . I feel shitty when I don't entertain my nephew/niece that much nowadays , seeing them getting more distant from me , when I'm always back home , tired . I get hurt when my girlfriend is hurt and the worst feeling is that you're not always there to comfort her when she really needs it or maybe commit a mistake by forgetting some finer details she has told you in conversations . I grew up and spent half of my life with friends and when I always had to cancel meetings or a simple minum-minum at the mamak , I feel bad .
God, why am I here ? What am I here for ? Does the world really need someone like me ?
I wonder how things are if I didn't exist in the first place . Would it lessen the pain I've caused to everyone? would it make their lives easier ?
Could you make me a little bit more selfish ?
I'm tired . I'm lost . I'm weak . I'm hollow.
Watching the movie 'Click' really opened my eyes . It's never too late to tell that person sorry or fix your relationship with them .
Before I end this letter , there is one thing I'd do when the time comes for me . In my last breath , I would like to gather my 4 most important people in one place , put my hands up and say
"I'm sorry everyone , from the bottom of my heart , I wish I could have more time for you all , I hope I've been good enough ..."
and leave this world in peace , knowing at the back of my mind that I did the best way I can .
P/s- Thank You for entertaining this letter . I know You are busy other people with much bigger problems than mine . I just don't know who to turn to . I'm sorry .
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