Return of Ol' Canuckle Head



So, the hairy and clawed hero or should I say 'anti-hero' (that seems to be the Hollywood trend nowadays) has returned with a new movie :

'X-Men Origins : Wolverine' or in my books, 'Wolverine 4 : Yep, this one's about him too'

How I wish the whole back story of him that we have seen previously were crammed in this upcoming movie instead of F-ing up the other core X-Men characters. My beloved Cyclops wouldn't have died so cheaply and to add salt to the wound , died OFF SCREEN . I'm trying to restrain myself with those Genoshan collars (X-Men fans should know this) to control my outbursts. Don't even get me started on how crappy X3 : X-Men United ( a.k.a. Wolverine 3 : Theres Phoenix, but it's still about him ) was.

From the trailers I've seen, I guess it would appeal to hardcore Wolvie fans and it does look to be another hit Wolvie movie. The only bright spark I can see is that there's gonna be Gambit and Emma Frost (I hope with a costume) ;).

I never realized it until I read online that in his 3 previous movies, Wolvie's main fight sequence were all with women - Mystique, Lady Deathstrike and Phoenix. Let's see how he handles Creed.

I hope X-Men : First Class will really tell the story of the ORIGINAL 5. Til then, make mine Marvel !

Excelsior !

Who do you work for?

As title goes, for whom exactly do we work our a$$es for? for family? girlfriend? or just for the sake of getting $$ ?

Do we work for ourselves? to materialize individual ambitions?

I can't answer that . Really.

When it comes to my time at work and my other endeavors outside the office, I lost count of the amount of lost hours that I should be spending for my loved ones. Aaah.. the sacrifices to earn more..

Demands of life exhausting my very essence.. I want peace. PEACE.

MAKE LOVE NOT WAR - hehe.. the tagline never sounded so relevant until now...

See you at the crossroads

Ok, it's December. Next month would be a new year for all of us. Plus a highly anticipated day that would make me turn 26 in January. This is a crucial period for me. To make the right decisions. I really need a clearer direction to where I'm heading in life. Right now I see 2 visible roads. With a possible third.

Many successful people always stressed about pursuing your passion to become really successful. Trump said real estate was his passion. Mariah Carey loved music all her life. For comparisons sake, locally, we got Yasmin Ahmad who I think is very successful. Tun Mahathir , Lim Goh Tong and the list goes on..

One thing similar to note is that every successful people out there started somewhere else before they decided to pursue their dream. I admit that I do want to make tons of money to materialize my plans, but how I wish I could achieve it by doing something I am passionate about. Yes, I'm not getting any younger but how much longer do I have to wait before one day when I'm at my prime years I said " Damn, I should have pursued it... "

I really need a 'breakthrough'. I don't think I can tolerate routine and structured progress any longer. You can simply put me in a desk job , earning more than what I have right now. But what about satisfaction? What about the basic concept of being happy? Some people may not mind sitting all day in a cubicle at a bank or workstation doing the same old thing everyday. Well I get high when there is a new challenge every day. A creative explosion of ideas all the time. I love it.

Maybe 3 years of working in a routine environment opened my eyes and slapped me on the face. Maybe its time to wake up and go for it. I wanna live and die happily. I wanna be smiling when I die not frown with regret. I hope there is such a thing called 'destiny' for me next year.

Keeping my fingers crossed. 2009 , you better be good to me .....

Between the lines

I sense a calling. A calling that tells me I need this 'change'. Very enticing , very promising. Have you ever experienced the feeling of realising what you've always wanted to do in your life?

I got that 'sign' recently. Some people are born to be cops, ministers , robbers , accountants etc... I realised that there is a job that I actually will love doing. When I tried doing it, everything flows naturally and so synchronised that I was able to deliver it without any stress. I actually said to myself "Hey, maybe I should give this a shot" .

The concern now is probably the fear of the unknown. You don't know how far or how successful you're going to be. The need to have a steady stream of income to materialise long term and short term plans is very high on the priority list. What if things do not go as I hoped ? But my heart is really telling me to go down this route .. because of the great promise and potential it has.

I've consulted my loved ones and close comrades about it. Well I got mixed feedbacks. The general feeling that I can summarise is that they do encourage me to try but at the same time there is a weary feeling towards it. This goes back to the fear of the unknown. The things we don't know and understand normally instills fear until we actually experience it first hand. Like taking your first roller coaster ride or trying out a funky looking dish at an exotic food joint. I just don't want to regret not giving this a shot later in my life. After all, I'm still young and at a very good age to experiment.

I'm currently searching for a solution to address all the concerns and doubts that I have so that everyone is clear about this path that I am contemplating on taking.

Me? A Copywriter?

What's cookin ?

Like every person in this world, happiness is something I do like to achieve in my life. And like products, I do come with an expiry date. When that expiry date will be, only God knows coz' only He knows. Like every person, I do wish to fill the time I have with peace, contentment and colorful experiences. Before my 'expiry' date is up, I do wanna make sure I 'expire' happily.

I guess I'm blessed (or cursed , whichever way you look a it) that I'm able to compartmentalize my feelings and not let it affect one another. We all have problems whether at work or wherever. The ill feeling accumulated can be stressing, and thus make it hard to mask it away from people. I prefer to not let petty things that can be a waste of time stop me in my pursuit for peace. I don't understand why little things can be constructed into an explosive device.

Sometimes it can be unavoidable that no matter how hard you try to move on and make the best of your time, you get sucked back into the negative zone. It can be bothersome, often times hard to deal with. So I just suck it all in like a vacuum cleaner with no way to let it out. I can't let it out, no way. If I were a Transformer, Teletraan-1 would scan me as a vacuum cleaner due to my personality traits. Codename: Absorber.

I'm at a place where nobody gives peanuts about anybody but themselves. Everything is like a competition, a race. To where? I dunno. .. perfection?

Til all are one..

Hope

I do not know what the future holds. I do not know how successful I will be . I do not know how long I will live . I do not know how much money I will have . I do not know if I will have eyes to see , ears to hear , mouth to speak/taste , nose to smell and lungs to breathe.

But I do know that I will hold on to the most important things I want in life close to me. I do know that I must have faith , believe in it, believe in its potential. I do know that in every dark night , there is surely going to be a brighter day afterwards. I do know that I will be the happiest person on earth one day.

And last but not least, I do know that no matter what, I know I must believe that there is a God always beside me..

In pursuit of happiness



Money makes the world go round . More money more problems . The list goes on..

How can these sheets of paper have such a profound effect on people's lives? Money can be a source of joy and sorrow. Many of us like to pursue careers and opportunities that can help them generate more money to achieve happiness. Well its a no brainer right? Money does get you a whole lot of things and to places of your desire.

What concerns me is that we tend to seek material gains more than anything nowadays that we neglect other equally important things in life. We intentionally put pressure on ourselves to push hard at work to earn extra $$ just to get them. Some people I know seem to be always unhappy with their lives for no obvious reasons. They envy people around them all the time.

My point of view is that you will never be a happy person if you don't learn how to appreciate what you have. When you constantly crave for something you don't have, that's when the frustration kicks in. That is also the time when all the built up frustrations make you become unhappy. I feel that if we try to learn and appreciate what we have and do things within our capacity we will feel more fulfilled in life.

If you earn a measly RM2000-3000 a month , act and spend like you earn that much. The problem comes in when you strive for a lifestyle that only a person who earns RM10,000 and above has. You will never be happy. Period.

So people please be reasonable in your pursuits for happiness and don't get too carried away. Learn to appreciate what we have and be grateful to God. You gotta thank the Big Guy up there you know :).

Recap

Only after I've noticed when my last post was (dated back during Ramadhan month) , I realised how long I've been out of blogging . I was like ' hmm..it's been that long ?' .

Nevertheless to summarize things up :

Family, especially to my parents -> Selamat Hari Raya . Although this year's raya have been very low-keyed due to the passing of a dear cousin, I'm glad we had time to regroup and spend time like family :).

My sayang -> Hope you enjoyed the birthday dinner and special present :). Thank you for fulfilling one of my wish list (she got me 'World War Hulk' TP man..) . Let's hope next year will be better ... and *cough* PS3 ... :P

The fellas -> I am happy to see the level of improvement in Winning Eleven , displayed during our very few but exciting encounters hehe.. May the Hari Keluarga tradition lives on ! (cue angry stare from girlfriends ...)

How's things? things have been pretty 'imbalanced'. Getting back all my weekends back to balance out my life this month. Amazing how much time I've spent at work. Expect more posts soon.

Til all are one....

Solo piece



Imagine you're in a dark and cold room, you're on a chair... with a piano in front of you. The only light that illuminates the room is place solely on you. You're the star. You start playing random beautiful pieces like a seasoned pro. Slow and smooth. This was an intimate moment for you. No other sound, not even a whisper can be heard except for the tunes you're playing. The tunes resemble feelings of joy and sorrow. Flashes of memories , random ones come flashing through your mind. You give a slight smirk on the face at times and also frown in sadness. Slowly the notes starts to disappear..the piano vanishes.. the chair was next... you fell and was sat on the floor. No more music.. everything went silent .. the light slowly dims and ultimately disappears.. Gone. I was told that blogging sometimes is a cry for help to the outside world. Is it?

*the writer was told to pour it out the best way he can so that there's more free space on his head for better , more productive things..*

Ramadhan

This is one of the special months in a year that I look forward to all the time. Yep, its the fasting month of Ramadhan. You will see the biggest food market ever assembled on the streets for the whole month. Keep your weight in check, because you're gonna be tempted to eat everything hehe..

This is also one of the rare occasions where you get to park your car practically anywhere you want and no cop is gonna give a damn. I see people double park , triple park and parking on road dividers like the place has their names on it. So, if you wanna avoid traffic jams, don't go to food markets.

Food markets aside, I especially like this special month because of its 'bonding' effects with your family and Muslim brothers and sisters. I get a very nice feeling inside to be able to have everyone in the family together and eat. Considering how hectic and unpredictable my roster is, having a nice buka puasa session with family is a welcome departure from all the stress. I won't deny that I like the whole 'family' concept. I would like to be the head of one someday. Not a cosa nostra one , mind you , but a real good old fashioned family.

Maybe to some its just an eating session like any other day. But to me , it goes deeper than that. To me its a different feeling as a muslim , to be able to buka puasa with your family , loved ones and friends on a fasting month. You gotta fast and experience it to feel it. It's special.

Alright alright this is all gonna end up sounding like a preachy Mari Berpuasa campaign, so I better stop sounding so corny.

Anyways, Selamat Berpuasa :)

Gratitude

Never underestimate the power of gratitude. Thanks to early teachings of Islam I have learned that you must always be grateful to whatever rewards God has given you , whether big or small. You will forever be trapped in an unhappy state of mind if you do not learn how to be grateful. Nothing will ever be satisfactory if we do not feel grateful to what we have.

I read the book 'Laws of Attraction' about how one must always be positive and how the universe will work itself to attract better things into your life. I know to some this sounds like a load of bull, maybe it is , maybe its true. The main thing here is to have a positive mindset. I admit I was really not as positive as I am right now back in my study years. I wished I was .

We must not have a defeatist attitude, admitting to failure even before a challenge is taken up.

I live by simple rules : If you do good, things will work out for you, if it doesn't , maybe there is something better reserved by God for you . Always see the good in everyone.

God is Great. He won't purposely give you a hard life. There must be lessons that you need to realize and learn from. I hope I don't sound preachy coz I admit I'm not the best role model either. Just thought of sharing.

But don't be too patient like me. You'll have different sets of problems. Not too patient, not too short tempered. Balance. If you're too patient, you'll have problems expressing yourself. If you're too short tempered, you destroy the good things around you.

So whenever you feel that you have the biggest problem in the world, look around you and look down. There are people who suffering even greater things out there.

Friends, be happy with what you have. Let go of jealousy and anger. Life is really just too short to waste time on jealousy and anger. With so many different religion out there, my advice is that it doesn't hurt to pray and talk to God once in a while in each distinctive ways.

There's a quote I saw on Gubra - The lamps are different , but the lights are the same.

Til' all are one .....

Control Issues

Can I let things out for once? So many issues trapped inside. Can I just blast it all out in the open like Cyclops? Destructive damage is imminent.

No, I'm a leader. Must keep my inner turmoil in check. Blasting everything that comes my way seem to be the easiest way to confront it. Control. Reason. Be Patient. Nobody's perfect.

Perfection has no limits. We are imperfect humans with limits, know our limits and life will be much simpler. Why do some of us demand perfection so much? Why do we complicate our lives like that? God is Great, He wants us to be stronger through imperfection.

Nobody's perfect.

Nobody.

Why so lazy?

The Joker (from Dark Knight) said some meaningful things in the movie. Insanity is merely your level of consciousness and deep down we all have our dark sides, all it needs is a little push to get it out. Harvey Two-Face can testify for that.

Same goes as the Hulk. Bruce Banner struggles with his inner angers so much, and thus the Hulk is born to release all the pent up anger inside him.

In my case, as I have witnessed, is that I am also getting rid of this disease that somehow finds its way to me : laziness . This lazy side of me will come out and its making me lose focus. Being lazy affects my life greatly , its like I cannot afford to rest on my laurels at all. Tiredness and laziness are two different situations. Tiredness comes from fatigue and you are physically and mentally drained of energy , thus you require a rest. Laziness on the other hand, is when you are not tired, yet you refuse to do things. Though you may not say it verbally , but somehow , as if like a hormone your brain secretes this laziness in your body making you refuse to do anything at all.

I have suffered greatly due to this. Reality slapped me on the face to make me wake up from my dreams. I have seen how it has affected my life. Not to mention the grueling shift work I have to endure, I have to say it has not been an easy ride. To maintain your focus and attention to detail after a long day at work is no easy task. You expect your mind and body to relax a little bit. And thats when I knew how this laziness kicks in : it creeps inside you when you are on the 'comfort zone' . Mistakes after mistakes pop up like mushrooms. Like Dr. Banner, I decided to control this. Still trying my best. There are times you just want to be left alone and meditate. To find your center. I don't really have that luxury due to the demands of life. Perhaps when I'm jobless with no commitments.

What I do now is that I will try to sense when I am in that 'comfort zone' and prepare myself for any possible laziness to kick in. That will be the time when anything can go from really good to really bad. It's ok to be comfortable with yourself and your surroundings , but don't get too comfortable. You cannot live a life where you have to apologize all the time for making silly mistakes.


Like the X-gene in mutants ( Marvel comic world , excuse me) , I think we humans tend to have this lazy gene. Instead of giving you super powers , the lazy gene motivates you to the path of mediocrity and unproductive lifestyle. They say Malays are lazy. I think that is too stereotyped in today's world. Malays of old embraced laziness because they were put into the 'comfort zone' . To me generally we all have that laziness inside of us, just how lazy you are is the difference. It can be good a thing too. Let's just say an inventor came up with a machine that can cut your house chores time in half to ease your work, does that mean the inventor is lazy ? he is trying to do a short cut on his task.

The lesson to learn is that laziness will not get you anywhere you want to go , but its very existence can act as a reminder for us to better ourselves positively.

Be inspired by how lazy you are and change... we are the only ones who can change ourselves..

Til all are one....

Good Day

Such a productive day. Never had so much of info about my project till today. A good day at work. The power of maintaining your focus on a task is really no joke , it does bring you rewards after all. However, the battle is not yet done, still a few hiccups which requires attention.

Now I need some sleep. 5 hour naps are not an ideal one for me. My eyes are burning , could it burst out deadly concussive energy like my favorite X-Man Cyclops ? hehe .. ok .. I'm talking crap

Till all are one.

X-Ternals

Do you define and attract what is around you ? or does your surrounding defines you?

I seem to always ask this question to myself. Should you pay attention to the problems your surrounding gives you ? which is totally not from your own doing ?

How do I come up with a strategy and an action plan to eradicate and contain such nuisances? Its really affecting my psyche .

I need to finish up my reading on the 'Laws of Attraction' book and find out !

Contented - does it exist or is it just an excuse?

I've stumbled upon some articles today on how we should survive this 'aftermath' of rising oil prices and other consumer goods. Easier said than done, are the top people up there feeling the pinch ? I beg to differ. I think this aftermath doesn't apply to them. They are all already rich and the fact that oil prices have risen up, it is merely just an extra few bucks to spend from their wealth to fill up their Ferraris and Mercs ..

They asked us to adapt and change our lifestyle. Have we all not been doing that all this while at work ? I think we all have pretty much been adapting to these changes, trying to control our spending and to save from our static salaries. The costs of living are accelerating very high at a very frightening pace, yet what we are earning moves slowly and so predictable as the sunrise. I wonder how lower income families are adjusting themselves to this.

The demands of the world are high nowadays compared to the old days where life was so much simpler and more meaningful. Even for me, the demands of life has sometimes pushed me hard to the point of exhaustion. I have heard from someone that instead of pursuing and fitting yourself to the expectations of life , why not work towards having quality in your life. Quality means being fulfilled and contented. It doesn't matter if you work and earn little, but if you are able to live happily and not be too bothered by the demands of the world to gain material things , then you are contented. I admire that aspect.

This is when there is a little bit of injustice. You work with full of honesty, integrity and hard work, all to contribute to the company's goals. While you try your best to help the company, has the company itself reward you justly? What with the rising expenditures and cost of living .. the only excuse they give is because you don't work hard enough? Instead of words of encouragement , you are bombarded with excuses on why you are not performing and that you should do something 'extra' for you to noticed by the boss? I have this 'disease' going around where I work that we have a set of job scopes to fulfill for a good performance review. By normal circumstances, if you manage to fulfill your job with no errors, you should get rewarded as per normal right ? no brainer there. But the disease going on now is that you are not judged by what you fulfill on your job scope , but you are judged by what you do outside of your job scope. Well this includes petty little things like staying back late (even though some are just acting like they're busy or just didn't manage their properly during work) , send out e-mail blasts (it can be as something as little as informing everyone that you've just changed the printer toner) or involve in extra projects. Apart from contributing to the company for 12hours, they demand you to come on your off days for few hours just to show your face to the boss, to say that "hey boss, I'm here to contribute more to you, hoping you could give me a raise and I don't have a life besides my work .. hooray !"

Until today, there has been no vaccine to cure this disease. The only way to cure it is to change the culture for a start. Everyone is happy coming to work, but are they happy outside of the office as well? People issues man, get to the root of it and look into yourselves, the answer will be right in front of ya.

Looks like I have to drive real slowly to work now , or else I will burn more fuel on my Kembara and I hate to go to petrol pumps nowadays coz it pains my pocket !!

Just thought of writing down a fragment of the many scenarios that are affecting people's lives during these troubled and 'high' times. I believe the economy nowadays doesn't align itself hand in hand with how much people make for a living. How much longer can the people endure this while those at the top are still swimming in their own money ?

"Jimat perbelanjaan , belajar je dekat Universiti tempatan , tak payah ke luar negara" , says one politician . But where does he send his kids to ? overseas. Funny man.

Till all are one.

Women and The Force

I believe women know how to use the Force. Here are some examples :

Mind Trick
Definition : Mind tricks refer to a spectrum of Force powers which influenced the thoughts of sentient creatures, most commonly used to coerce into agreement by suggestion through voice manipulation, or to cause one to reveal information.

E.g : "Sayang, I don't have any shoes to wear, can I get this shoe?".
Result : You ended up paying for the 100th shoe for her without noticing it.

Force Scream

Definition : Force Scream was an involuntary reflex of a Dark Jedi, emitted as a product of strong frustration, rage, or grief.
E.g : " Gooo Awaaaaayyyyy! "

Result : Yeah, you heard her, go away :P


Force Rage
Definition : Force Rage was a dark side Force ability. The Force user would tap into his or her innermost fears, pain and hate, converting them into intense anger. The user could then channel the anger to increase his or her own speed, strength, and ferocity.
E.g : " Why are you always like this ?!!!! *lecture* ..F%$# .. *lecture* ...... "
Result : Kena lecture la , apa lagi :P

Guys, we can always defend ourselves with this method :

Force Absorb

Definition : Force Absorb or Force Absorption was a Force ability, that enabled the user to absorb energy, usually harmful, and use it to strengthen their connection to the Force.
How it works : Just listen and clear your thoughts and banyak bersabar je la hehe...

The light and the dark

Mixed feelings today. Bitter , angry , useless , weak and confused. Felt like I've let down everyone today. I dunno, like a drug side-effect that makes you go into depression, I'm feeling unhappy but I can't pinpoint what it is. I always have this complex feeling where I get the impression that I'm very useless and have no value in this world. I don't feel needed kinda thing. This stems from a lot of factors like - failure to perform my tasks as perfect as I should be , failure to organize my time , failure to organize my memory and other things. Failure to do these things will result in people having no respect for me and I became more of an annoyance rather than someone important.

Despite being looked upon as a leadership material by some of my peers , I dunno where does that impression came from. During my team building session, they mentioned that I really took care of my other weaker members all the time during jungle trekking while at the same time rally them to focus on the team's goal. How I organized the strategies and man power available to complete the tasks. But I guess with different people, I gave different impressions all the time. I'm only more serious and more in control of everything at work . Away from work, I'm more relaxed . Sometimes maybe too relaxed. That's why I ended up getting daily lectures from family and loved ones.

If I'm upset , I normally keep quiet. I read somewhere that there is thing called righteous anger and un-righteous anger. Righteous anger allows you to freely express your anger if it is over something you think is right. For un-righteous anger , you normally go on a berserker rage and start destroying everything around for no or trivial reason. I hope I could channel my angers the right way someday. It's not good to keep things inside too long. Like Jack Nicholson said on Anger Management - there are two types of angry people : Implosive and Explosive. Explosive is the person who screams and yells at the cashier of a grocery store, while Implosive is the cashier , who quietly accepts the screaming and yelling until one fine day , comes to work and starts shooting everybody in the store. I can categorically see myself as the implosive type. My angry side rarely pops up , but when it does , things can be ugly. You can lecture me , scream and bully me today , but when I implode , please run away .

As my title suggests, there will always be 2 sides of everything. Good guys stay in the light , bad guys in the dark. And as I have stated before , being bad is a journey. Sometimes even the good guy can be tempted to go to the dark side. Many times , it is not by choice. There are events that will pit the good guy to do something he considers as being in the dark side. If you have been watching Smallville , Lex Luthor was not born bad . He became bad because of his father . People hated him because he carried the Luthor name. No matter how hard he tries to show people that he is good , events somehow led people to still think he is bad . In the end , he lost hope and slowly began his journey to the dark side. Personally , I thought the writers did an excellent job with his character.

You will be a better person if you are able to go into the dark side and still have the consciousness to come back to the light. That will be a real test of character.

The wrong impression

Again , these are trying times for Muslims again. Another movie called 'Fitna' has tainted another different picture of Muslims. Any Tom, Dick & Harry can take sentences from a religious book and interpret it the wrong way. I am sad that my fellow non-Muslim friends are only given a very false treatment of Islam through the media. Media is a VERY powerful tool to change one's perception. Like how whitening ads are subliminally suggesting that being fairer gets you jobs , recognition and attention . What is happening right now is that the media is trying to subliminally tell the world that Muslims are bunch of AK-47 wielding , trigger happy bastards killing people off in the name of God.

Thanks to a certain Bin Laden fella , the whole world is led to believe nowadays that every Muslim you meet is strapped with a dynamite on his chest / having suicidal tendencies to bomb things up. Pictures of Arabs with AK-47s and then the screen cuts to Sept 11 were played on air strategically throughout the day to feed our brains that Islam is a religion for terrorists.

You cannot fault those who think so , because they are fed by the media to think like so. In my opinion , the person responsible for 9/11 just so happens to be a Muslim. But does his opinion about the world represents the other Muslims in this planet ? who number in Millions ?

I detest over what has happened to the innocent lives that perished during 9/11 . However, instead of launching a hate campaign on an individual , a terrorist .. the media attacked his religion . Not over what a psycho that guy is , but over his faith.

I fear this. I fear that one day you are prosecuted not because of what you have done , but more on what religion you practice. I wish they can see the light , see the truth . A typical non-Muslim would think "oh Muslim , kalau curi potong tangan , baling batu , bom , dynamite , Ak-47 , janggut , serban .... aaahhhh!" . Things you always see on TV.

I'm a firm believer in having balance and moderation . Those bearded dudes you see on TV with their AK-47s are too obsessed , misled and extreme . They took the teachings a bit way towards the extreme . God does not encourage violence . Maybe they think the more extreme they are , the more Muslim they can be. Now that's not right. Carrying rifles when you don't even respect the basic teachings and values of Islam will not make you better Muslim. Come on.

Peace be upon you.

On the darker side

Haven't been feeling entirely contented. Felt like there are eyes constantly watching my every move. A little feeling of lost. Low morale ? minor depression ? I hope not. I know some sort of truth and have seen the reality around me . Why can't I shake it off ? I've got to. A feeling of " you're not exactly in there right now and yet you're hoping you still are" . Hard to explain , I know. Just needed to get it off my chest the best way I can . Hard work , hard work and more hard work .. that's all the hope there is. Fear is almost second nature at this moment. I long to see justice and a really bright , clear blue sky . You cannot soften a hard substance by force , it only gets harder and more stubborn . Maybe theres a way around it. I still hope I'm important to people around me. I still hope theres room for redemption and a second chance. I know where I am at this point , I just need to pick myself up and work as honest as possible . May the fire still burn and light our lives in this dark hour .......

A letter for Mr. Rafa

Dear Rafa,

I had high hopes for last Sunday's encounter with Man Utd. Considering the way we have played and our form (winning 7 games on the trot prior to the match) , I was in a confident mood that we could give a good game.

Sadly, it did not go as I had hoped. We were devoured 3-0 at Old Trafford. I have been analyzing the tactics and personnel involved, there are some things I'd like to point out.

First, let's see what's wrong :

Ok, so we got the pretty standard back four with Reina in goal which is fine by me. Skrtel has come in and been doing a good job there with Carra. In an ideal world, I would love Carra to be a good passer of the ball because he seriously suck at it. I'm glad we have someone like Agger and Skrtel who can play a passing game.

With a 4-2-3-1 formation, we normally deploy 2 holding midfielders or 'anchors' in the middle to protect the back four. Mascherano normally does the dirty work and ball retrieving while Alonso sits and pulls the strings in the middle. This combination is superb and gives Gerrard freedom to roam forward . On the left wing we got Babel which is a very promising talent if we really use him properly. I would really like to see him in a striker's role one day with Torres . I do that all the time in Winning 11 and won few times with the Torres-Babel combination. However, I still agree with the current Torres-Gerrard partnership upfront which is almost on the borderline of being a telepathic relationship between the two.

Now what I don't agree here is this guy on the right wing:

Kuyt! Now whatever happened to Pennant or the creative Benayoun on the right? It baffles me when I see him not being substituted when things aren't going our way. Instead, during the Man Utd game you changed Babel , who I thought represented a real threat on the flanks to Man Utd. For 90 freaking minutes, I don't see what the hell does this guy contribute to the team play. He did nothing man, Rafa come on ! What do you see in this guy?? His first touches were woeful and he's reaction time is too slow for such a fast paced game that night. He's more suited to a European game. And then there was Mascherano's red card to make things more difficult.

So 2 mistakes we can learn :

Please consider playing someone else on the right . Someone who can penetrate the flanks with pace . Mascherano's absence made the defense lose its focus and shape. Alonso's a creator and puppet master , not a tackler.

My proposal would've been like this :

Change Kuyt for Lucas, play Lucas in midfield with Alonso . We need to maintain that passing rhythm and play a more narrow formation. With Kuyt, every single attacking movement gets hampered because he takes too much time to even control the ball. By allowing Babel upfront with Torres , we can have a counter attacking opportunity. With Gerrard being the attacking midfielder providing the passes, we could've had a better chance at getting back in the game. The fullbacks can provide us with the width ala-AC Milan style.

So there you go Rafa. Next time please don't use Kuyt during fast-paced games. Put him on at the last minute .

You'll Never Walk Alone .

Something to consider ...

I read this article online, here it is :

Stress of evening shift may hurt health in long run: StatsCan

Last Updated: Friday, July 26, 2002 | 9:36 AM ET

CBC News

Working the night shift seems to hit men harder than women in the long term, a Statistics Canada report has found.

The report compared the stress factors and health of shift workers to daytime workers for 1994/95 and 2000/01. It looked at full-year workers aged 18 to 54.

Men who worked an evening or rotating shift were more likely to report stress, relationship problems and feeling little control over their life. As well, 45 per cent of men working an evening shift were daily smokers, compared with 27 per cent of daytime workers.

Irregular shift work was also related to high personal stress among women.

But in the long run, men working an evening, rotating or irregular shift had higher odds of reporting a diagnosis of a chronic condition in the next four years than their male daytime counterparts or women with a non-standard schedule.

Statistics Canada analyst Margot Shields said the men who were studied reported back problems, ulcers, heart conditions and high blood pressure.


Shift work usually a job requirement, not a choice

Three out of 10 employed Canadians worked some type of non-standard shift in 2000/01, the survey found.

Shift work was more common among blue-collar or sales and service occupations than in white-collar or clerical jobs. Older workers and men living with children were less likely to work shifts.

Women were more likely to cite family responsibilities (11 per cent) as the reason for their shift work, compared to three per cent of men. At 65 per cent, more men said working an evening shift was a requirement of the job, compared to 53 per cent of women.

• FROM MAR. 21, 1999:IQ lower with lack of sleep
  
  

Both men and women who worked shift were more likely to have trouble falling asleep and staying asleep than daytime workers.

The study didn't surprise Yves Francoeur of the Montreal police force. He worked shifts for 12 years and said he would fall asleep at the wheel two nights out of seven on his 40 minute ride home.

Francoeur said the force plans to look into the effects of shift work on the health of its employees.

The Statistics Canada analysis was based on cross-sectional and longitudinal health data, and looked at roughly the same number of men and women.


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I should really consider getting a 9-5 job next year or something , have to admit , I have been experiencing those symptoms for the past few months. With all the extra pay covers just to earn that extra $$ , I will end up hurting my body in the long run. I hope there is a day job that pays well as what I'm earning without working on shifts. Something to think about .. hmmm....

Perhaps those occasional state of depression , lack of memory coordination and troubles staying alert have been from the after effects of shift work ?

My heart been has been beating faster than its supposed to sometimes, I need a check up. So boys and girls , think before you join a shift job.

You've been warned.

The Institution

I had a conversation with my Mom recently and we talked about marriage. Wait , hold on there .. don't get too excited yet , I'm not getting married anytime soon .. but I will definitely ;)

The more I hear it from people on the 'other' side of the fence and through reading what other moms and dads blog about their marriage , the more I feel how much of a big deal it is. It is easy to say 'Let's get married' and expect things to smooth out. All I have to say is, I think it takes a huge amount of effort from both sides to make it work.

How one should behave , the tolerance of each other's habits , personal sacrifices and trust are all important things to consider. I think you gotta be really sure and know what you want out of your relationship before you step into marriage. Yes , some say love conquers all , while some would say love is not enough to make you last through marriage. I think its true you know, let's be realistic , monetary stability is important to live a comfortable life. If you're both in love but broke, its not gonna be a comfortable one. I'm surprised and respect that my parents are still together for 39years in their marriage , another 1 more year and it would mark a 40year milestone. I mean there was constant quarrels , laughters , displays of patience and turmoil. We had our dry periods , rough times and better moments .

I was inspired , it inspired me to be better. Most important thing for being a guy is to be responsible , protective and solid . I'm still learning and sometimes cannot escape from making mistakes from old habits. Women will always have their occasional cranky moods (or Queen B mode .. hehe) , you can't change that , we guys just have to work around it and cope. However, having said that , women also must tolerate mistakes . We guys will always make a lot of mistakes , we're guys. But of course, depends on the type of mistakes we make. If we forgot to buy something , didn't do certain things or said something stupid / trivial , theres no need to fire up all the cannons of rage and fire us hehe... patience. Compromise.

Well you won't know unless you're in it right ? who am I to say these things like some marriage guru right ? hehe

All I know is that I am working hard to make my relationship work . I'm done looking . I know who it is I want and who I should be. Just need to make more $$$ now hehe..


P/s: Btw, check out Yasmin Ahmad's blog . Read the post about her parents , very sweet story :)

If politics don't exist

Hey, its that time of the year where a bunch of individuals start promising you the world , only if you start voting for them .

This is when you will see everybody starts to become extra extra efficient in their jobs. Suddenly you see ads with subliminal messages convincing you not to vote for the other side. Your neighborhood is littered with banners and leaflets , arranged creatively to get your attention.

Ahh the world of politics. 'You scratch my back, I scratch yours'. I just wondered for a while and imagined, what if politics don't exist or considered a sin? I think everybody will start to work harder and deliver what they're supposed to. The right people will be in the position of power and maybe we might get to see this thing called 'justice' .

These are testing times for politicians , they are gonna need every 'ayat manis' they can get to convince the 'rakyat' to vote for them. Promises of better things to come , whether they're empty ones or not , seems to be the primary bait to get votes. This time of year is probably the period with the most charity events. Everybody is so generous all of a sudden. Where was the help when it was really needed ? Why is the help not provided on a consistent basis ?

I'm no politician, but if I were to be one, I'd take my term as one long period , instead of just shining during elections. I'd have a long term plan and contribute strategically and consistently throughout my tenure. In that way people can evaluate you better, not what you do during the election period only. Sadly , that seems to be the case nowadays . These candidates only come and visit you during elections. When its not the elections, they disappear. You don't see them making frequent visits or do charities. When you lodge a complaint to them, hoping to get some action , all you get is a written reply given through the person's secretary.

If you want to represent the people, you gotta be with the people. Simple. You appear more, you'll be remembered. People will be able to relate to you.

And even at work , these things happen. When you are nearing your performance appraisal month, in my case, you'll start to see dozens of e-mails sent per day , just to tell the powers that be that you are actually working. Yes, there is an e-mail culture going on. You are only as good as how many e-mails you send . Suddenly you feel as though all your hard work in the background and all the contributions go down the drain. And its also the time when you see how politics are played. You make deals with the Devil . You forge unlikely alliances with individuals that could help you get better promotions or recommendations . You can be the most unproductive , lazy and most-hated person to work with, but if you know the right people , you're set. If you rub shoulders with the wrong people , you're dead. At the end of the day , the wrong people gets rewarded while the ones who deserves it more, gets sidelined . Why ? because they don't play this dirty game called politics. How can you be an excellent employee when the only time you're in the workplace is at the start and end of the working hour? Most of the time you disappear.

Hehe , its funny because this is actually the quickest way to get to the top. You don't need to have excellent qualifications . All you need is excellent communication and networking skills. And of course , an amazing talent for acting !

Try to imagine a world without politics ...

Close your eyes ...

Do you see a better well-being for all humankind ?

I do ...

THANK YOU

Yep, the special day had passed. Here I'd like to express my gratitude :

1) Purple - What can I say, you did it again. I'm still overwhelmed by all your gifts , its just too much :) I really felt you spoiled me this time hehe .. Thank you so much and I love you ;)

2) Adam n Letisha - That was a very lovely card .. cute :) Uncle Ayer thanks you both :)

3) Mama & Dad - Seems like its the year for shoes huh .. thank you very much for the shoes :D

4) Sis , Bro & Bro In Law - Thank you for the wishes and the $$$ , I'm not complaining at all !

5) Friends - Winning Eleven kakis (you all know who you are) , Ati , Stella, Ira , Evelyn , Prakash , Yogi , Shelly , Wan , Shan ... and everyone else .. thank you for the wishes y'al

May Allah bless you all . Thank you.

I'm 25!

Trippin'

What was once considered strong is now seen as weak
What was once a temptation became an annoyance
What was once indispensable became insignificant
What was once crucial became nothing

Delusions of grandeur rules the hour . An hour of recollection and remorse . Running deep into these veins are blood boiling over guilt and incompetence. Do they still make rose colored glasses nowadays ?

This person in the mirror is not recognizable anymore. The world yearns for the old person who used to shine brightly in the mirror . Time for a second coming , time for a rebirth . Everybody deserves another chance in life , that was the principle and may time proves that.

Feelings of great ecstasy and joy have been felt tremendously for a long time . A long time that position stood. Now the wheel has turned and now everything goes down and broken . At the bottom of the pit .

As I lay down helplessly , flashes of different memories appeared before me . Once again I felt a strong nudge to get up and fly up there again. This time , I will be more well equipped . Time to leave the broken image at the pit. I will re-emerge as a better being .

Leave what was bad , take with you what was good.

I will become better than what was . That is my goal. My personal promise.

The journey ahead is vast and wide . My destination seems to be clearer , like a clear blue sky . Marching on with great confidence I shall , as my transformation gradually takes place ...

*as the title suggests , this author's trippin' some BS . Don't waste your time reading it.