The light and the dark
Mixed feelings today. Bitter , angry , useless , weak and confused. Felt like I've let down everyone today. I dunno, like a drug side-effect that makes you go into depression, I'm feeling unhappy but I can't pinpoint what it is. I always have this complex feeling where I get the impression that I'm very useless and have no value in this world. I don't feel needed kinda thing. This stems from a lot of factors like - failure to perform my tasks as perfect as I should be , failure to organize my time , failure to organize my memory and other things. Failure to do these things will result in people having no respect for me and I became more of an annoyance rather than someone important.
Despite being looked upon as a leadership material by some of my peers , I dunno where does that impression came from. During my team building session, they mentioned that I really took care of my other weaker members all the time during jungle trekking while at the same time rally them to focus on the team's goal. How I organized the strategies and man power available to complete the tasks. But I guess with different people, I gave different impressions all the time. I'm only more serious and more in control of everything at work . Away from work, I'm more relaxed . Sometimes maybe too relaxed. That's why I ended up getting daily lectures from family and loved ones.
If I'm upset , I normally keep quiet. I read somewhere that there is thing called righteous anger and un-righteous anger. Righteous anger allows you to freely express your anger if it is over something you think is right. For un-righteous anger , you normally go on a berserker rage and start destroying everything around for no or trivial reason. I hope I could channel my angers the right way someday. It's not good to keep things inside too long. Like Jack Nicholson said on Anger Management - there are two types of angry people : Implosive and Explosive. Explosive is the person who screams and yells at the cashier of a grocery store, while Implosive is the cashier , who quietly accepts the screaming and yelling until one fine day , comes to work and starts shooting everybody in the store. I can categorically see myself as the implosive type. My angry side rarely pops up , but when it does , things can be ugly. You can lecture me , scream and bully me today , but when I implode , please run away .
As my title suggests, there will always be 2 sides of everything. Good guys stay in the light , bad guys in the dark. And as I have stated before , being bad is a journey. Sometimes even the good guy can be tempted to go to the dark side. Many times , it is not by choice. There are events that will pit the good guy to do something he considers as being in the dark side. If you have been watching Smallville , Lex Luthor was not born bad . He became bad because of his father . People hated him because he carried the Luthor name. No matter how hard he tries to show people that he is good , events somehow led people to still think he is bad . In the end , he lost hope and slowly began his journey to the dark side. Personally , I thought the writers did an excellent job with his character.
You will be a better person if you are able to go into the dark side and still have the consciousness to come back to the light. That will be a real test of character.
Mixed feelings today. Bitter , angry , useless , weak and confused. Felt like I've let down everyone today. I dunno, like a drug side-effect that makes you go into depression, I'm feeling unhappy but I can't pinpoint what it is. I always have this complex feeling where I get the impression that I'm very useless and have no value in this world. I don't feel needed kinda thing. This stems from a lot of factors like - failure to perform my tasks as perfect as I should be , failure to organize my time , failure to organize my memory and other things. Failure to do these things will result in people having no respect for me and I became more of an annoyance rather than someone important.
Despite being looked upon as a leadership material by some of my peers , I dunno where does that impression came from. During my team building session, they mentioned that I really took care of my other weaker members all the time during jungle trekking while at the same time rally them to focus on the team's goal. How I organized the strategies and man power available to complete the tasks. But I guess with different people, I gave different impressions all the time. I'm only more serious and more in control of everything at work . Away from work, I'm more relaxed . Sometimes maybe too relaxed. That's why I ended up getting daily lectures from family and loved ones.
If I'm upset , I normally keep quiet. I read somewhere that there is thing called righteous anger and un-righteous anger. Righteous anger allows you to freely express your anger if it is over something you think is right. For un-righteous anger , you normally go on a berserker rage and start destroying everything around for no or trivial reason. I hope I could channel my angers the right way someday. It's not good to keep things inside too long. Like Jack Nicholson said on Anger Management - there are two types of angry people : Implosive and Explosive. Explosive is the person who screams and yells at the cashier of a grocery store, while Implosive is the cashier , who quietly accepts the screaming and yelling until one fine day , comes to work and starts shooting everybody in the store. I can categorically see myself as the implosive type. My angry side rarely pops up , but when it does , things can be ugly. You can lecture me , scream and bully me today , but when I implode , please run away .
As my title suggests, there will always be 2 sides of everything. Good guys stay in the light , bad guys in the dark. And as I have stated before , being bad is a journey. Sometimes even the good guy can be tempted to go to the dark side. Many times , it is not by choice. There are events that will pit the good guy to do something he considers as being in the dark side. If you have been watching Smallville , Lex Luthor was not born bad . He became bad because of his father . People hated him because he carried the Luthor name. No matter how hard he tries to show people that he is good , events somehow led people to still think he is bad . In the end , he lost hope and slowly began his journey to the dark side. Personally , I thought the writers did an excellent job with his character.
You will be a better person if you are able to go into the dark side and still have the consciousness to come back to the light. That will be a real test of character.
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