2010

So the new year begins. I can't believe how much has changed year to year. Especially the evolution of my close friends, from young rebellious fledglings back in high school to fathers/mothers/husband/wife. Time indeed has passed swiftly and at a very fast pace.

Yet here I am. Still lost. While others have 'directions' to where they want they're lives to be, I, am still soul searching. 4 years being a slave to time, waking up and doing the same thing over and over and over again. When the clock hits the number 7, I will go back to my life. I envy others who love what they are doing while for me, I can't make a decision on my own without incurring the wrath of others close to me.

"Is this supposed to be my life or yours?"

Sometimes I feel like my soul happens to be slotted into this body just for the sake of it. This body was not supposed to be mine. This body is supposed to have a life of its own. I'm just stuck in this body so that people can dictate what they want and not what I want.

I envy those who can call reason, compassion and understanding as his/her pillars of strength. See, I don't get them. I do not have people around me with those qualities. Whenever I want to suggest what's good for me and my decisions, I am met with angry words, hostility and a constant reminder that $$ comes first.

I want closure. My life can't go on like this. There's so much out there. I want a lot of things, one of it is a 'career' , not a 'job'. I want a direction to how I will end my life. I can't go on being in this bad cycle forever. I know someone who has never gone through 'hard times' like how I had. Life's for this person is so nicely planned and you can almost feel that happy ending for them.

I cast a long pause every time I hear their stories. I wish my life would be as simple as them. Study -> Work -> Meet Someone -> Get Married -> Have Kids -> Die. So simple. I'm happy for them. Sometimes I feel maybe I'll die alone on my bedside, smiling in tears with a note that says 'Thank You' on my forehead.

Its eating me up inside. This, 'routine'. While others have already reached places, I'm still driving around in a roundabout, unable to decide which road to take. Each entrance has pros and cons.

Maybe this post comes across as me being a very twisted , complicated person. But truth be told, I'm not. I'm a very simple man. I want the same as what my friends have : a happy life. I love everybody I know and will go great lengths to prove it. But what if that love is not returned in similar weight and volume?

I want a very simple thing. Yet I'm forced to make decisions that would make things more complicated. All these are part of God's plans. So I can't really complain. If certain things are not meant for me, then why give it to me in the first place , only to take it back later? I kept asking God about that. I rather not receive it if I knew it was never to be kept forever.

What have I done wrong? You should give me that heads up long time ago God. Not now, after so many years.

I want closure. I want a new exciting chapter . So God, what say you?

Need To Reboot ! Help!

I'm deciding on a career change. Almost 4 years here in this current company. I wondered if I had been promoted already in another company after serving for 4 years. Yes, I have achieved that seniority among my peers, they do look to me for guidance when they 'really' have to :P

But, with all the experience, knowledge and networks, I still feel empty. I come to work and go home like a robot nowadays. Nobody understands this feeling. I don't feel I've achieved anything. For the sake of my fat paycheck I get every month, I don't get the satisfaction of working. It's not exactly the kind of feeling where you'd look forward to go to work the next day. My current motivation to stay here and rot myself is purely based on $$$. I know during these times, no company would want to pay me this much except here.

I wanna get out. Out of this rotting political circus. Butt kissers and actors fill up most of the upper tier of management. Incompetency is common among them. Like scavengers, they prey on the slightest mistake by their underlings and capitalizes it to catapult their existence. And like a Smartshop ad, they give you empty promises. I wish somebody out there understands. I'm 26 with so much time ahead of me. I want it to be filled with creativity, imagination, satisfaction and something you can call your own.

It's like playing defensive , boring football despite winning consistently. Sometimes, it dampens your creative playmaker's development in the team. He needs to roam free and do his own branding and authority. I have this feeling that I can achieve so much and my career life would be so much more fulfilling if I leave here now.

Come on, 4 years man. To question my loyalty would be unthinkable.

I want to quit , seriously.

Of being grateful

Have we been grateful enough? I've come across some columns mentioning about the art of being grateful. A particular Dr has prescribed someone with a bad history of depression, think about one thing good in his life that he is grateful for every night before he sleeps and wakes up. It does not matter if it is big or small. And the result was extraordinary.

I think it is a human thing to always want more and when things do not go as planned, you can't help anger to rear its ugly head. I speak from a personal account as well on this. Sometimes I do get frustrated over certain plans I have conjured up in my head that did not materialize. Coupled with external pressures, sometimes as a man I just have to swallow it.

Are rich people grateful? I envy those who were born in a well to do family. What are the things they worry about? Do they worry about bills ? or savings? I don't think so. And they tend to get richer. Those who were given this stable 'template' of living by God should really be grateful. I mean I know a person who comes from a rich family. But sadly, he does not work like us, all he does is upgrading his car, his place and at the end of the month just collects rents from the few properties he has been given by his father. What a life. He has things which I can only dream of having. How I wish all that money I could invest it in a way that would be beneficial for my future. How I wish I could give the best life to people around me.

This is maybe heavy to talk about. Sometimes you have planned for 'A' all your life, but somehow you're being shoved to a different plan, different direction altogether like 'X' or 'Z'. At one time, you feel helpless, not knowing what to do. Bad circumstances swallowing you like quicksand, you wonder and look up to the sky looking for answers to your questions - racing through your head as you sink into the quicksand. 'Could things have been different?' I asked.

As the quicksand sinks you in, there you are, hoping a divine intervention to pick you up and bring you back on a steady platform to continue living.

Gratitude keeps people grounded. Knowing what we have and what we don't helps us survive. My mom has always said 'don't compare yourself with those who are doing much better than you, compare yourself to those who are far worse than you, you will see that God is not so mean to you after all'.

I guess so.

Al-Fatihah

I would like to offer my condolences to the late Yasmin Ahmad's family. I offer you my Al-Fatihah ma'am. I think you are a true genius. Nobody makes movies reflecting Malaysia's racial harmony better than you here. Nobody had those guts. Many failed to show it, the best they can come up with were those typical Ali, Ah Tan and Raju lame dialogues. You were different and I really respect what you have done in your films. Your movie gave me hope. Though we have never crossed paths, your work has really touched a lot of people including myself. May Allah S.W.T bless your soul and places you among all the enlightened ones.

Amin.

Smile




Smile
tho’
your heart is aching,
Smile
Even though it’s breaking,
When there are clouds in the sky- You’ll get by,
If you
Smile through your fear and sorrow,
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You’ll see the sun come shining through- For you.
Light up your face with gladness,
Hide every trace of sadness,
Although a tear may be ever so near,
That’s the time you must keep on trying,
Smile- What’s the use of crying,
You’ll find that life is still worthwhile,
If you just smile.

Very touching lyrics. Especially from Chaplin . Very unlike his bubbly clumsy self. What lies beneath is something much more deep and defines the person's psyche. Kinda like Van Gogh's paintings. I hope God reserves a special place for these guys, I feel your struggles man. Hitler was extreme but his journey was extraordinary.

Today's is a day I salute to all the complex characters that have walked this earth. At least they left a profound mark in the world. I wonder what kinda mark I would leave before I go ..

REMPIT !!!!!!

Mother$%^&* rempit rammed my Persona and while attempting to escape, ended up pulling more than half of the front bumpers out. The coward RAN AWAY. I bet he doesn't have license and the fact that he overtook a double line and rammed me while I was in a yellow box zone would clearly make me the obvious winner in court.

I had to cross the middle of the road just to get back my front bumpers. My hatred towards the Rempits have gone up a few notches after this incident. Estimated cost for repairs : RM400-500 , change new bumpers + paint job + workmaship.

Mann, that money would get me all the volumes for Thy Kingdom Come or All Hail Megatron. Sigh.

P/s : If Martin Skrtel met an accident, the cars itself would apologize to him. IT would dent itself further as a punishment.

The Skrtel Joke

I think they made jokes over this guy coz' he looks so damn tough.



Courtesy of liverpoolway.com forums:

They make a Martin Skrtel toilet paper, but it wont take s.hit from anybody.

Martin Skrtel always has s.ex on the first date. Always.

Martin Skrtel has never blinked in his entire life. Never.

Skrtel never “gets laid”, rather: “laid gets Skrtel”.

Martin Skrtel can p.iss into gale force winds.

Martin Skrtel is the ONLY survivor from the Big Bang!

Martin Skrtel was the cause of the big bang.

When Martin Skrtel has s.ex with men, it is not because he is g.ay, but because he has ran out of women.

Martin Skrtel uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure.

Martin Skrtel only m.asturbates to pictures of Martin Skrtel.

Martin Skrtel was the first man to take a dump on the moon

Martin Skrtel CAN get breakfast in McDonalds after 10.30!

Martin Skrtel can kill two stones with one bird.

If you can see Martin Skrtel, he can see you. If you can't see Martin Skrtel you may be only seconds away from death.

Martin Skrtel does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Martin Skrtel goes killing.

Martin Skrtel has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.

Martin Skrtel ordered a Big Mac at KFC and gets it!

Once a grizzly bear threatened to eat Martin Skrtel. Chuck showed the bear his fist and the bear proceeded to eat himself, because it would be the less painful way to die.

If Martin Skrtel is late, time better slow the f.uck down.

There is no such thing as a l.esbian, there are just girls who have never met Martin Skrtel.

God said "Let there be light", Martin Skrtel said "Say please".

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Martin Skrtel allows to live.

I heard Superman wears "Martin Skrtel" pajamas...

Martin Skrtel once bit a photographer... he is now known as Peter Parker aka Spiderman

Martin Skrtel lost his virginity before his dad.

If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Skrtel says its beef, then it's bloody-well beef.

A lighthouse was used in Martin Skrtel's candle light dinner!

Martin Skrtel has had s.ex with everyones mum.

Once Martin Skrtel tested a pair of boot, he said he can't even put Nike on those boot, that's how Umbro was born!

Martin Skrtel never think twice... he doesn't even need to think once!

Martin Skrtel was the first entry in the doomsday book

Martin Skrtel does not catch diseases, he spreads em

Aliens do exist. They're just waiting for Martin Skrtel to die before they attack....which is NEVER

The Mohs Scale has had to be rescaled to accomodate the hardness of Skrtel..........

Martin Skrtel...Once won a Connect 4 game in 3 moves.

Skrtel can speak Braille

Scientists in Washington have recently conceded that, if there were a nuclear war, all that would remain are *****roaches and Martin Skrtel

the bermuda triangle used to be the bermuda square, until martin skrtel slide tackled one of the corners off.

martel skrtel slide tackled the periodic table - he only believes in the element of surprise.

martin skrtel died 10 years ago, but the grim reaper still doesn't have the courage to go and tell him.

If you have five dollars and Martin Skrtel has five dollars, Martin Skrtel has more money than you.

There is no 'ctrl' button on Martin Skrtel's computer. Martin Skrtel is always in control.

Apple pays Martin Skrtel 99 cents every time he listens to a song.

Martin Skrtel can sneeze with his eyes open.

Martin Skrtel can eat just one Lay's potato chip.

Martin Skrtel is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.

Martin Skrtel doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Martin Skrtel.

Martin Skrtel does not sleep. He waits.

Martin Skrtel is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

Martin Skrtel is the reason why Wally is hiding.

When Martin Skrtel does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.

Martin Skrtel is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

Martin Skrtel’s hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.

Martin Skrtel doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

Martin Skrtel can slam a revolving door.

P/s: Don't worry Martin, we still respect you in LFC. Keep doing a good colossal job for us . YNWA.