My Reflection
picture courtesy of : http://www.photomania.net/shadows
Ever felt lost in your life ? Ever experienced the bitterness of pain and the damning feeling of guilt over a mistake ? Ever come across what you had longed for and when you got it , you failed to live up to expectations ?
Feeling neither in the crossroads nor anywhere , just lost . What have been achieved and learned all these years ? What if there is no such thing as 'greatness' or ' success' after all ? Is it possible that a wrong direction has been taken ?
Why are you here ?
Why do you exist ? for what purpose ?
They say we all came to this world like a piece of white cloth , and life's experiences are the colors that gives us our patterns . What have you become ?
What we are today , to a certain extent , are the result of our upbringing . I personally wished I had a better way to channel my anger and my talents . Instead , the mind overcomes what your heart tells you to do . You began to doubt . The mind most of the time does not tell you what to do . It only gives you information and raises more questions . But the heart pushes you to do what you instinctively feel what's right.
When there's little coordination between the mind and the heart , that's when you make mistakes . Your heart urges you to do something , but when you let your mind decide , you start to doubt whether you should or should not do it . I think I suffer from that . Often times, I let my heart decide , but when there are 1001 'what ifs' inside your head , you get confused during the decision making process .
I have been making countless little mistakes and paid the price dearly. Little by little the respect is lost , everyone starts to be less generous when it comes to giving praise and encouragement . Even from people close to you . Running away from all the troubles is just not the best solution , only a temporary solitude . I think this face and heart had taken a lot of beating and humiliation. Has that made me stronger ? I don't feel strong .
What good are you if people don't believe in you anymore ? I'm sinking into the black puddle , slowly . You have many aspirations , so many targets and goals you want to achieve . Yet , you are trapped . I feel that I do not have the grip on my reality as it used to be. I know I'm better than what I am today. What happened ? where was the focus and drive ? I used to be in control of my surroundings . Has mental fatigue been the cause ?
I took a jab to relieve my back pains and some medicine to cure this high fever of mine. Have I been on overdrive ? Not only the body is weak , the mind has been weaker . Need to bounce back from this mediocrity . Need to reclaim that individual spark that was so vibrant in the past. Unlike others , I realized one good lesson : if you want something to work , do it yourself , don't rely on others .
But now I'm lost . I need to lead my life towards the light . A transformation should take place . Will it be enough ?
Alone again as before . I'm reflecting on life's experiences like a bunch of TV monitors placed in front of me . Is it too late for a change ? Can you save the day ? hero ?
picture courtesy of : http://www.photomania.net/shadows
Ever felt lost in your life ? Ever experienced the bitterness of pain and the damning feeling of guilt over a mistake ? Ever come across what you had longed for and when you got it , you failed to live up to expectations ?
Feeling neither in the crossroads nor anywhere , just lost . What have been achieved and learned all these years ? What if there is no such thing as 'greatness' or ' success' after all ? Is it possible that a wrong direction has been taken ?
Why are you here ?
Why do you exist ? for what purpose ?
They say we all came to this world like a piece of white cloth , and life's experiences are the colors that gives us our patterns . What have you become ?
What we are today , to a certain extent , are the result of our upbringing . I personally wished I had a better way to channel my anger and my talents . Instead , the mind overcomes what your heart tells you to do . You began to doubt . The mind most of the time does not tell you what to do . It only gives you information and raises more questions . But the heart pushes you to do what you instinctively feel what's right.
When there's little coordination between the mind and the heart , that's when you make mistakes . Your heart urges you to do something , but when you let your mind decide , you start to doubt whether you should or should not do it . I think I suffer from that . Often times, I let my heart decide , but when there are 1001 'what ifs' inside your head , you get confused during the decision making process .
I have been making countless little mistakes and paid the price dearly. Little by little the respect is lost , everyone starts to be less generous when it comes to giving praise and encouragement . Even from people close to you . Running away from all the troubles is just not the best solution , only a temporary solitude . I think this face and heart had taken a lot of beating and humiliation. Has that made me stronger ? I don't feel strong .
What good are you if people don't believe in you anymore ? I'm sinking into the black puddle , slowly . You have many aspirations , so many targets and goals you want to achieve . Yet , you are trapped . I feel that I do not have the grip on my reality as it used to be. I know I'm better than what I am today. What happened ? where was the focus and drive ? I used to be in control of my surroundings . Has mental fatigue been the cause ?
I took a jab to relieve my back pains and some medicine to cure this high fever of mine. Have I been on overdrive ? Not only the body is weak , the mind has been weaker . Need to bounce back from this mediocrity . Need to reclaim that individual spark that was so vibrant in the past. Unlike others , I realized one good lesson : if you want something to work , do it yourself , don't rely on others .
But now I'm lost . I need to lead my life towards the light . A transformation should take place . Will it be enough ?
Alone again as before . I'm reflecting on life's experiences like a bunch of TV monitors placed in front of me . Is it too late for a change ? Can you save the day ? hero ?
my dear friend,
ReplyDeletethe more i read ur blog the more depress i feel.. i see tht u are slowly burning out..what dr ira recommends is an hour or two with the dr herself with one of the clincs most famous sessions which includes a super yummy cake of your choice and and a top secret magazine. it has proven to bring a smile to the even the most depressed human beings. please make your bookings now as places are limited. book now, and if ur not satisfied with the service we will return your money back, offer last whilst stock last.
dr.ama recommends reading sally's fuckspot. it might make you feel a little better.
ReplyDeletealso, are we really "lost"? or is it just a mindset that society has burdened us with? hmmm? perhaps its all a pigment of our imagination that we could be in the right path. perhaps the right path is whatever path we make? and yes, upbringing is the crucial role that plays upon our ways of thinking.
chillax, listen to some jazz, read some stress relieving magazines with good friends and all should be ok.
Hard to find good doctors nowadays ;)
ReplyDeleteThanx for the helping hand and counselling offers hehe .. Just one of my 'posessed' moments :)
Hmm I thought I've been given lifetime privileges Ira, now got stock last pulak ? you must be really high on demand these days hehe . .
I'm a big fan of the fuckspot sally ;) .. I feel you comrade hehe ...
If you're down in the slums just follow these simple steps:
ReplyDelete1. Make phone calls to at least 3 friends.
2. Invite friends over.
3. Play Winning 11 till the cows come home or until your gf asks you to stop, whichever comes first.
Cheers!
i didnt know GFs are allowed to make the BF stop playing winning 11... hmmm... hehehe
ReplyDelete