Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri
Maaf Zahir Dan Batin
To Everyone :)
Maaf Zahir Dan Batin
To Everyone :)
Sunday, October 22, 2006
Sunday, October 8, 2006
Master of My Reality
They always say life is like a journey . Where the journey leads is entirely up to our choices and desires . However in typical fashion we don't always end up where we want to be all the time , there are times when we just took the wrong path . But that's how the universe works .
How's my journey so far ? Let's just say that the path that I have chosen thus far , have been very satisfactory in terms of balance and stability . Never have I realised, until I really opened up my eyes out there , that such a path exists or could even be possible . In my reality , I guess I have been around good people and bad ones too . Some give you positive and inspiring vibes , while some , well , seemed to be trapped in their own negative bubble .
I am truly glad I chose the right path because through this path , I met and befriended individuals whom I think can only increase the excitement of this journey of mine . Most importantly , I've met someone whom in essence , share the same vision in life as mine and also my principles . Someone whom I think will help me open my eyes more throughout this journey . Back then my life was like a black and white painting . So plain , so dull , so mundane . This person is like a bag full of colours , finally theres more colour to my life than it ever was . Life is more colourful to me right now .
I was , you can say , a person with an iron mask . Whatever I feel , no one could really tell because I hide it well behind that mask I put on everyday back then . There were times back then when I would just want to break free , yet I didn't know how . But now , I'm free .
There will be unpleasant forces out there to pull you down with them , but you can always repel them . Like Dr. Lawrence Ng would suggest , "I am a mental warrior , I declare war on negative thoughts " ....
They always say life is like a journey . Where the journey leads is entirely up to our choices and desires . However in typical fashion we don't always end up where we want to be all the time , there are times when we just took the wrong path . But that's how the universe works .
How's my journey so far ? Let's just say that the path that I have chosen thus far , have been very satisfactory in terms of balance and stability . Never have I realised, until I really opened up my eyes out there , that such a path exists or could even be possible . In my reality , I guess I have been around good people and bad ones too . Some give you positive and inspiring vibes , while some , well , seemed to be trapped in their own negative bubble .
I am truly glad I chose the right path because through this path , I met and befriended individuals whom I think can only increase the excitement of this journey of mine . Most importantly , I've met someone whom in essence , share the same vision in life as mine and also my principles . Someone whom I think will help me open my eyes more throughout this journey . Back then my life was like a black and white painting . So plain , so dull , so mundane . This person is like a bag full of colours , finally theres more colour to my life than it ever was . Life is more colourful to me right now .
I was , you can say , a person with an iron mask . Whatever I feel , no one could really tell because I hide it well behind that mask I put on everyday back then . There were times back then when I would just want to break free , yet I didn't know how . But now , I'm free .
There will be unpleasant forces out there to pull you down with them , but you can always repel them . Like Dr. Lawrence Ng would suggest , "I am a mental warrior , I declare war on negative thoughts " ....
P/s : Excuse me with the gibberish up there , just felt very poetic after a karaoke session !
I know , I'm weird :P ..
Friday, October 6, 2006
What the funk Jay?
That's it man . I gotta write about this . After 5 seasons of America's Next Top Model , I can't take this s*it no more man . Something is terribly wrong here . I'm talking bout this brotha down here :
Yup Jay Alexander .. or affectionately known as MISS JAY ALEXANDER . What the funk is wrong here man ? People are blind or something ??
He's a guy man . Don't encourage him by telling him otherwise . No one seems to be complaining or speaking up about this . I see every episode they embrace him like he's the Professor of runway catwalks ! He's a GUY !! a BROTHA !
Look closer :
Is it denial ? I dunno . Appears in every episode with Rose-decorated Hats and freaking hot pants ... gila geli wei .. Which makes me wonder why are viewers would embrace someone like this guy rather someone who has other more significant contributions around the world .
I start cursing the show whenever he appears with his girly outfits . Seems like its a joke you know , if you wanna look and act like a woman , then completely change yourself ... janganlah halfway camni . I mean you got a strong black man's face , but from the neck below , you're dressed up like a woman . Especially when he's in those ugly hotpants .. arghh .. its like watching Mike Tyson or 50 Cent wearing it man ... Disgusting ..
Dahla .. before I risk losing my pahala and increasing my dosa , I better stop .
Peace Be Upon You .
That's it man . I gotta write about this . After 5 seasons of America's Next Top Model , I can't take this s*it no more man . Something is terribly wrong here . I'm talking bout this brotha down here :
Yup Jay Alexander .. or affectionately known as MISS JAY ALEXANDER . What the funk is wrong here man ? People are blind or something ??
He's a guy man . Don't encourage him by telling him otherwise . No one seems to be complaining or speaking up about this . I see every episode they embrace him like he's the Professor of runway catwalks ! He's a GUY !! a BROTHA !
Look closer :
Is it denial ? I dunno . Appears in every episode with Rose-decorated Hats and freaking hot pants ... gila geli wei .. Which makes me wonder why are viewers would embrace someone like this guy rather someone who has other more significant contributions around the world .
I start cursing the show whenever he appears with his girly outfits . Seems like its a joke you know , if you wanna look and act like a woman , then completely change yourself ... janganlah halfway camni . I mean you got a strong black man's face , but from the neck below , you're dressed up like a woman . Especially when he's in those ugly hotpants .. arghh .. its like watching Mike Tyson or 50 Cent wearing it man ... Disgusting ..
Dahla .. before I risk losing my pahala and increasing my dosa , I better stop .
Peace Be Upon You .
Tuesday, October 3, 2006
Don't Sleep Too Much During The Day
First few years , things were going great . Until she started being distant . Never calls anymore , never tells me things . Never asks me out , stopped making me gifts . I felt something different , something was wrong . There were no signs of affection anymore , what I saw was a look of disgust and boredom . So I finally gather up the courage to finally ask - "What's wrong ?" . What I heard thereafter shocked me . She flat out replied with a slight grin on her face - "I've met someone else".. I started to feel a throbbing pain in my heart , my knees were too weak to hold me up .
I fell kneeling to the ground , helpless and hurt . What I felt afterwards were tears flowing down my eyes .. I can't seem to utter any words . She just stood there and grinned ..
And then I realised that it was a dream . But there were tears from my eyes . I actually cried in my sleep ! I looked up to my silver IKEA wall clock and it read 1:30pm if I'm not mistaken . I can still feel the pain . I called her up immediately telling her the whole ordeal , apologizing .
Well it didn't end there . I felt sleepy again and fell asleep . Never trust the snooze button , you'll end up sleeping more than awake!
Then , I dreamt it again .
This time things get more intense . I confronted the guy . Rugged , young and has a bad boy look to it . I can't really tell what race he was , but he was fair-skinned . I went up to him at a parking lot and asked for a man-to-man talk . Being the diplomatic person I am , I felt that was the best way to settle things . His rude behavior made me wonder what does she see in him . He told me intimate details ( showing me pictures of them together on his cellphone and video clips ) and how frustrated she was at me . Couldn't stand hearing it any longer , I just snapped ! . I punched his Adam's apple so hard he couldn't even talk or breath . He was choking . Then I saw a car coming by real fast . I grabbed his head and swung it into the car's path . The car knocked his head . Blood was all over the floor . Talk about being diplomatic ! I actually killed the guy . I took his handphone as evidence for me to confront her later on .
Next thing I know I was at a gathering . She was there . I assume we came together . After few socialising sessions , I went up to her . All I can remember was , I said "Thank You so much for this .." , I gave her a peck on those rosy cheeks and then I gave her his handphone . She didn't react , she was stunned . I walked away , holding it together not to cry again .
And afterwards I was in a different scene . She called and asked me why am I not taking her out today as promised , she acted as if nothing happened after the handphone incident . I said "After all this , you still can think of those things ? " . " You're having an affair with someone aren't you ?" , I asked . She said "(with a slight giggle) I can't tell you that , it's nothing , no one " .
After that I was at a counter with a telephone placed on it . Suddenly the old man at the bar told me "She's definitely seeing another guy , this guy goes by the nickname 'Scamper' . He works right next door " . Like as if he knows what I was looking for . So I went next door to look for this 'Scamper' dude . Who the hell would use 'Scamper' as a nickname anyways ? sounded so Mat Rempit . So there he was , dark-skinned , looks older , same height as me . I thinks he's Indian , almost like a mamak .
I went up to him and asked , "Are you Scamper?" . He said , "Yes Sir , what can I do for you ?" . Judging by the greet , I guess he's a customer service officer . "Can I talk to you in private ?" I asked . He said "Sure". Then this other guy tagged along . Buck-toothed , grinning all the way following us . "Do you mind ? we don't want to make a mess here do we ? I'll be careful of your buck tooth if I were you" I said , with a stern , threatening voice . Scamper gave a nod to his buck toothed friend and later he left us alone .
I went straight to the point and asked " How long have you guys known each other ? " , while showing him a picture of her hugging me that I always carry in my wallet . Those were during happier times . " (started counting with his fingers) I think about 2 , 3 years ..maybe 4 " he replied . Then I probed further and asked " So how are things between the two of you ? you both like each other ? " . He coyly replied "yeah , I guess" . Not believing what I just heard , I had to be sure .. so I asked him again "You mean she confessed that she likes you and you told her you like her ? " He said "yes" without hesitation .
I didn't know what to ask afterwards . I shook hands with him and walked away . I thought that just explains it all . I broke down . Crying again . This time more intensely . Over and over again .
Until I realised that it was dream again when a co-worker called me up from the office . That was when I realised the time was 3:30pm . That was actually a dream . My face , wet again from the tears . Woke up and told myself try not to sleep during the day in the fasting month . Ishh ! In fact I'm still feeling angry . I don't know whether am I angry at myself or something else .
First few years , things were going great . Until she started being distant . Never calls anymore , never tells me things . Never asks me out , stopped making me gifts . I felt something different , something was wrong . There were no signs of affection anymore , what I saw was a look of disgust and boredom . So I finally gather up the courage to finally ask - "What's wrong ?" . What I heard thereafter shocked me . She flat out replied with a slight grin on her face - "I've met someone else".. I started to feel a throbbing pain in my heart , my knees were too weak to hold me up .
I fell kneeling to the ground , helpless and hurt . What I felt afterwards were tears flowing down my eyes .. I can't seem to utter any words . She just stood there and grinned ..
And then I realised that it was a dream . But there were tears from my eyes . I actually cried in my sleep ! I looked up to my silver IKEA wall clock and it read 1:30pm if I'm not mistaken . I can still feel the pain . I called her up immediately telling her the whole ordeal , apologizing .
Well it didn't end there . I felt sleepy again and fell asleep . Never trust the snooze button , you'll end up sleeping more than awake!
Then , I dreamt it again .
This time things get more intense . I confronted the guy . Rugged , young and has a bad boy look to it . I can't really tell what race he was , but he was fair-skinned . I went up to him at a parking lot and asked for a man-to-man talk . Being the diplomatic person I am , I felt that was the best way to settle things . His rude behavior made me wonder what does she see in him . He told me intimate details ( showing me pictures of them together on his cellphone and video clips ) and how frustrated she was at me . Couldn't stand hearing it any longer , I just snapped ! . I punched his Adam's apple so hard he couldn't even talk or breath . He was choking . Then I saw a car coming by real fast . I grabbed his head and swung it into the car's path . The car knocked his head . Blood was all over the floor . Talk about being diplomatic ! I actually killed the guy . I took his handphone as evidence for me to confront her later on .
Next thing I know I was at a gathering . She was there . I assume we came together . After few socialising sessions , I went up to her . All I can remember was , I said "Thank You so much for this .." , I gave her a peck on those rosy cheeks and then I gave her his handphone . She didn't react , she was stunned . I walked away , holding it together not to cry again .
And afterwards I was in a different scene . She called and asked me why am I not taking her out today as promised , she acted as if nothing happened after the handphone incident . I said "After all this , you still can think of those things ? " . " You're having an affair with someone aren't you ?" , I asked . She said "(with a slight giggle) I can't tell you that , it's nothing , no one " .
After that I was at a counter with a telephone placed on it . Suddenly the old man at the bar told me "She's definitely seeing another guy , this guy goes by the nickname 'Scamper' . He works right next door " . Like as if he knows what I was looking for . So I went next door to look for this 'Scamper' dude . Who the hell would use 'Scamper' as a nickname anyways ? sounded so Mat Rempit . So there he was , dark-skinned , looks older , same height as me . I thinks he's Indian , almost like a mamak .
I went up to him and asked , "Are you Scamper?" . He said , "Yes Sir , what can I do for you ?" . Judging by the greet , I guess he's a customer service officer . "Can I talk to you in private ?" I asked . He said "Sure". Then this other guy tagged along . Buck-toothed , grinning all the way following us . "Do you mind ? we don't want to make a mess here do we ? I'll be careful of your buck tooth if I were you" I said , with a stern , threatening voice . Scamper gave a nod to his buck toothed friend and later he left us alone .
I went straight to the point and asked " How long have you guys known each other ? " , while showing him a picture of her hugging me that I always carry in my wallet . Those were during happier times . " (started counting with his fingers) I think about 2 , 3 years ..maybe 4 " he replied . Then I probed further and asked " So how are things between the two of you ? you both like each other ? " . He coyly replied "yeah , I guess" . Not believing what I just heard , I had to be sure .. so I asked him again "You mean she confessed that she likes you and you told her you like her ? " He said "yes" without hesitation .
I didn't know what to ask afterwards . I shook hands with him and walked away . I thought that just explains it all . I broke down . Crying again . This time more intensely . Over and over again .
Until I realised that it was dream again when a co-worker called me up from the office . That was when I realised the time was 3:30pm . That was actually a dream . My face , wet again from the tears . Woke up and told myself try not to sleep during the day in the fasting month . Ishh ! In fact I'm still feeling angry . I don't know whether am I angry at myself or something else .
To make things more coincidental , I turned on my PC and opened up my browser . To my astonishment , there were few topics on AskMen.com (my default page) that said :
"What does a woman consider cheating ?"
"Emotional or Sexual Cheating : Which is worse ?"
"Top 10 signs you're about to cheat"
I was like whoa! .. talk about coincidence man . Hehe . Scary right ?
But rest assured , I am generally happy and theres nothing wrong . Not as if I chose what to dream right ?
I hope I won't get those kind of dreams again . Being betrayed hurts . Ouch ! :)
Now I'll just get myself ready to buka puasa and carry on with my life .
Selamat Berpuasa !
Don't sleep too much daytime k hehe .
Peace be upon you .
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